Lincoln Lee (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
skepticalities) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
campfuckuvote2012-09-08 08:04 am
skepticalities) wrote in campfuckuvote2012-09-08 08:04 am
(no subject)
Next round, have some counselors!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Looks good here! Closed!
Character: Jake Jensen
Series: The Losers (Vertigo)
Character Age: Late twenties
Job: Leader of Operations for Strong and Enduring Relationships
Canon: The Losers! A totally respectable name for a five-member Special Forces team formerly working under the Central Intelligence Agency. They were betrayed by their handler, Max, who attempted to kill them on one of their missions. They survived, but the entire world believes that they were all “killed in action”. Now, they go on covert operations against the CIA so they can get revenge on Max and get their lives back.
Jake Jensen is the Losers' intelligence specialist and hacker. He's the youngest and most laid-back among the team. He hasn’t ignored the fact that everyone thinks he’s dead, but he doesn’t let that get to him either. He’s an energetic and carefree guy with a knack for making inappropriate comments, and getting into awkward and problematic situations. Like everyone else on the team, he sprinkles most of what he says with a healthy dose of cursing. He talks a lot, and goes off on random tangents, and definitely needs to be told when to shut up. He’s good at being ridiculous and making a fool out of himself, especially in front of women. All-in-all, Jensen is a cool and confident man who works and plays at the same time. Whether it’s picking up women or hacking a computer, he’ll do it in style.
Sample Post:
Helloooooo, lady. Look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn't me. Maybe if your man's name was Jensen, you wouldn’t need to do any looking. Because, you know, then I'd be your ma-- I just want to clarify that I would never hit on someone who’s already taken. I mean, I know I look good, but if you’re fine with your man already, then there’s nothing I can do, right? So. . . I probably should have asked if you already have someone else before doing this whole thing-- you know what? Here’s something to lighten the mood. It’s a flashbang. I wanted to lighten the mood, get it?
Holy shit-- calm the fuck down, Marce! That was really good, jeez! Put those tentacles down and listen here, Marcy. I’m giving you a good and actual field demonstration of how a mission’s supposed to go. If you’re not gonna do what your commanding officer tells you to do, you’re gonna die out there in the field. It’s like the wild, wild west out there! Either you get a yes and make it out alive, get rejected, or worse. . . get friend zoned. You ask Mr. Zombie out now, and you’re gonna get friend zoned so hard and you’ll never be able to move past that. Never. And you’re gonna get left for dead. That’s why you gotta learn from me and not hit me in the face!
Anyway, I told you that lesson number one in making strong and enduring relationships is to always be confident, right? Even if you look ridiculous, you better look ridiculous with pride. Now, lesson number two’s set the mood right. If you look ridiculous, make sure it’s romantic ridiculous and not creepy. I’m pretty sure I covered both those points with what I demonstrated earlier. Also, you need to know that people play hard to get all the fuckin’ time. No lady’s gonna wanna look easy, except on the eyes. So even if you’ve got the good looks and charm, you still gotta learn how to break the ice. That’s how it’s done, alright? Anyway, that’s it for today. My own mission starts at nineteen-hundred, so I need to know if this operation’s gonna work or not. So, without hitting me in the face, let’s hear it. What do you think? What’s my chance of survival?
Sixty-nine percent, what?! No, no, no-- I’m sure you think that kinda shit is funny, but right the fuck now, it isn’t. Especially when the passing rate’s seventy!
Character Name: Miles Edgeworth
Series: Ace Attorney (series)
Age: 26
Job: Common Sense Guru
Canon: The Ace Attorney series of games focus on both prosecutors and defenders as they try to uncover the truth behind various nefarious (not to mention utterly bizarre) crimes. While the defense attorneys, such as Phoenix Wright and Apollo Justice, are depicted as valiant underdogs who fight tooth and nail for their client's innocence, the prosecutors can be more ... eccentric. It goes without saying that in the world of Ace Attorney, everyone’s tolerance for the ridiculous has been cranked up several notches. Regardless, the one goal that both sides have (for the most part) is to uncover the truth behind what really happened in each case.
And no one is more motivated to find the truth than prosecutor Miles Edgeworth. Formerly a ruthless prosecutor who was hellbent on finding the defendant guilty no matter what, Edgeworth has grown over the years to become a man dedicated to uncovering the truth, even if it means that he, as the prosecutor, is wrong in a manner of speaking. In his game, he uses logic and deductive reasoning to solve cases. Yes, this is a Special Skill in Ace Attorney-land. While he can seem cold and calculating and his interpersonal relationship skills can be incredibly lacking, Edgeworth does have a heart beneath his constant professionalism and reticence as well as a dry sense of humor. However, despite the fact that Edgeworth may possibly be the least bizarre of the prosecutors, it isn't beneath him to throw a minor fit when, say, his precious tea set is tarnished. That's just how he rolls.
Note: Ace Attorney games have a tradition of highlighting words when an important piece of evidence or concept is mentioned.
Sample Post:
While I am, unfortunately, all too aware of the fact that many seem to suffer from a complete and utter lack of common sense, I must admit that this particular "task" surprises even me. Rather, the idea that gorillas also required training in common sense was something that had never occurred to me before, in part because it's absolutely ludicrous. I had presumed that the liberal usage of the word "gorilla" in the letter requesting my help was merely a figure of speech and a reference to athleticism. I ... suppose it still is a reference to your athleticism, although it's far too literal for my liking. Rest assured, that is a mistake I won't make again. Given that I've already accepted this assignment, however, I do feel an obligation to complete it. So let's begin, shall we?
"Common sense" is a rather difficult concept to define in part because what's common to one culture may not be so in another. As an example - for my kind, we find bathing and maintaining good hygiene as a whole on a regular basis to be "common sense." Judging by the smell that is lingering in this particular area, I can only deduce that bathing is not common among your kind. And while that may help you, er, blend in with the living dead and their ilk around here, it can be quite off putting. One can only wonder if your sense of smell is still even functioning properly with how it is at this moment. Aren't any of you ashamed of yourselves? Let that be another lesson to learn in our course here: you should be.
In any case, there is something that we must discuss while we are on the subject of blending in: your fur. And before you raise an objection in your own manner, this is not about your hygiene. This time. It's about the color of it. I would imagine that purple fur would make it difficult for you in your line of work. You see, it makes you quite ... visible. And as the Director's enforcers, one would think you'd prefer to be anything but in order to have the advantage with the element of surprise. However, as it is, the only things you are capable of blending in with are grapes and Hanna-Barbera cartoons.
But this is where common sense and, therefore, logic can aid you. Take note of your surroundings. What colors do you see? The swamplands of Louisiana have a more neutral palette. If your fur were a more neutral shade, you would be able to fit in more easily. And so you see, the purple is hardly logical in this environment and frankly, I'd rather not know how that color was achieved. However, it's something that can be easily remedied with dye for your fur or ... rolling around in the mud, as your imaginative and ingenuitive cohort is discovering. ... Cohorts. You all don't need to do that, actually. There must be more efficient forms of camouflage and besides, that’s hardly hygienic--! Really, are you gorillas or are you lemmings?!
I ... nngh. I suppose sacrificing one's sensibilities for the upper hand could be seen as some form of "common sense." That putrid stench will put you in good company here, after all. ... For certain definitions of "good."
Name: Derek Hale
Series: Teen Wolf (TV Series)
Character Age: 25
Job: Pack Coordinator
Canon: A bite from a werewolf can change your whole high school career - just ask Scott McCall. With enhanced speed and strength, heightened hearing and smell, it’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt. And of course, a lot of someones got hurt. The whole wolf situation has gotten Scott into a lot of messes and teenage drama. At least there are other friendly werewolves to help him with his lycanthropy adventure. … Or not.
Derek Hale, the guy who once thought that helping Scott could be achieved by stalking and leering at him, just became the big werewolf in charge. That doesn’t mean he’s become any less abrasive, clipped, or capable of carrying out most normal social behaviors. He’s rude, to the point, acts like he knows everything, and if he doesn’t have the answer, he’ll resolve most situations by just walking away. He doesn’t trust easily, which puts the last bullet in his leadership qualities. Derek has a whole mess of anger issues revolving around his own failures, but he never copes with them head on. In spite of this, he tries to keep up a cool appearance, and can even turn on some level of charm to get what he wants. It’s one way to hide that he has no idea what he’s doing. For the most part, his heart is in the right place, though his idea of how to handle things leads to a lot of bad decisions and trouble as a result.
Note: In Teen Wolf, werewolves are more powerful when they move in packs.
Sample:
The smell hasn’t been right since I’ve arrived. “Camp Fuck You Die,” was it? “Camp Desperate for Attention” is more like it. Like something that obvious could scare anyone. A monster in the lake, curse of the living dead, a couple of mouthy toucans, and yeah, I’ve already heard about Tuesday’s soup. I can still smell rotten flesh, and it’s what? The end of the week? Where do you get your supplies? Let me guess: Dismembered zombies that get caught on the wrong side of this place, or maybe on the wrong side of the Director. Here’s some advice for her, getting rid of the zombie casserole and using fresh gorilla could solve a lot of her problems. No one likes a week old meal.
You see? To this place you’re meat on legs. You couldn’t even get the jump on me, but it wouldn’t be different if you tried. Yeah, I heard the rustle of leaves a mile away. You run around together, but you’re not a pack, you’re moving targets. That’s exactly what you’ll stay. And if I didn’t hear you first, I would’ve seen you. Hasn’t anyone mentioned that purple doesn’t exactly work as camouflage in a forest? It’s like you want to announce yourself. Get it together. All of you. If you’re going to run around in a pack, the least you could do is act a little more like one. It’s not about getting everyone to work nice, it’s more than that. As the pack becomes stronger, everyone becomes stronger. You move as one. The way things are now, it wouldn’t surprise me if a few of you show up right in the middle of Tuesday’s menu.
So much for your intimidation tactics. I don't have a bone to pick, but you have a few good reasons to turn your tails back into those woods. But before you go you can give a message to your Director. This little joke she disguised as an "employment opportunity" is exactly what it sounds like. A joke, and I’m not buying it. In fact, you can forget all about this “Pack Coordinator” bull and get straight to the real reason why she wants everyone in this Camp. The more people here, the stronger she is. If you knew what you were doing, the five of you and one of me might stand a chance, but I have my own priorities.
It’s just too bad that you’re gonna to have to be one can short of a six-pack.
Name: Cesare Borgia
Age: 22
Series: The Borgias (2011)
Job: Amoral Support
Canon: Most men want to do right by their families and give their children the world. But most men don’t take that quite as literally as Rodrigo Borgia, who goes to great lengths to become Pope so he can quite literally give his family the world. His political and spiritual machinations are the cause of (and occasionally the answer to) turmoil that engulfs renaissance Europe. But worry not, it’s nothing that can’t be solved with a little blackmail or the occasional murder. The drama isn’t limited to Rodrigo himself, as his children and even various mistresses end up a willing party to everything from shady political manipulation to war crimes. They aren’t ignorant of what they’re getting into; when you’re a Borgia nothing says “family togetherness” like trying to rule the world.
Cesare Borgia is the oldest son of the Borgia family and as such a lot of responsibility falls on him. He is expected to take his father’s place someday, whether he wants to or not. Which might explain why he can be petulant even when he’s following orders and looking out for the family. And as much as he cares about his family, he cares about himself as well. Cesare tends more toward war than his cardinal title would suggest, and under the cover of a good son he hides his share of violence and hate. Truly, he will do just about anything to get what he wants, including stalking and ordering deaths. He is clever and cunning, and when the need arises, subtle. Cesare does think fairly well of himself, even if he will never be able to live up to ideal man his father wants him to be.
Sample:
First let me apologize for any injury I might have caused when I first arrived. Had I been warned before my arrival that the dead were mobile here and that such walking corpses were well tolerated I would not have tried to condemn you to the bowels hell. Nor would I have set so many of you on fire. Still, I am glad and only slightly worried to see that little damage was done. Really though, if you make a practice of bringing men in as I have been brought you will need to rethink your welcome party. Compared to your horrific entrance the entire French army would have been a less upsetting sight. And I mean that as a man who has faced the entire French army and nearly lost everything. Nearly, but not quite.
For now I am willing to set aside your rather unnatural nature in favor of completing my given task. I am Cesare Borgia, son of His Holiness the Pope of Rome and according to my summons, your new counselor on morality. To be perfectly honest I can see why such counsel would be needed here; even the letter I was sent had been vandalized to make it seem as if I would be here to guide you away from the light. But I was young once, and I have played a trick or two in my time. I am a man not so easily fooled. Regardless of the fact that you could not find anyone more qualified to guide you, I am here now and I will do my best to set you on the path to being more moral and upstanding corpses. Your need seems great and had the Holy Father given me a choice in the matter I am certain I would have chosen to help. Perhaps.
It will, of course, take time before I can give you a full list of the ways you have gone astray. I imagine the list will be long, indeed. Though I can start now with your manner of dress, or lack thereof in many cases. I will see what I can do to get funds in the name of getting you more civil clothing. It is appalling to see that some of you who are very clearly women wearing the clothing of men. Stop moaning, it will not kill you to dress like decent men and women, no more than you have already been killed. Do you not wish to make more of yourselves? You look like victims of a plague, or perhaps the most desperate of beggars. A man must dress for the part he wishes to play! Rid yourself of this unsuitable dress and welcome your new life!
I take it back, put your old life back on. I will think of a better plan.
Character Sandalio de Rabiffano (Biffy)
Series: The Parasol Protectorate
Character Age: mid-20s
Job: Hat Shop Proprietor
Canon: [Certain Inevitable Spoilers for Blameless follow]
In an alternate Victorian London, werewolves, vampires, and ghosts are considered perfectly normal, if supernatural, members of society, created from humans with enough excess soul to survive (in a manner of speaking) their death. Alexia Maccon, on the other hand, is a preternatural - a person born without any soul at all, capable of temporarily removing supernatural abilities with a touch. Which makes her marriage to an Alpha werewolf questionable at best (to say nothing of society's opinion of a spinster marrying an earl) and her adventures as a result are always...interesting.
Biffy was just an ordinary drone (companion/food source/future vampire hopeful) to eccentric rove vampire Lord Akeldama, a particular friend of Alexia's, until circumstances (namely, his impending messy death under dubious circumstances) forced him into a very different future than the vampiric - which is to say he got turned into a werewolf. Unsurprisingly this was not something he was exactly happy about, though the friendship he'd developed with Lady Maccon certainly helped the transition. On the whole, however, being werewolf'd ultimately changed little about Biffy's personality. He's a personable, friendly and witty fellow; a consummate dandy and a bit of a gossip who loves all things fashionable. He enjoys being useful to others and is very perceptive, calm and capable; though not entirely without a flair for the dramatic. And he is never wrong about hats.
Sample Post:
When my lady asked me to help open a new branch of the hat shop in the Americas, of all places, I had to wonder what she was about - bit of an odd place to send one, even for the sake of fashion. However, now that I'm here I can see she was entirely correct to send me. You people clearly don't have the first idea about...well, rather a lot of things, but especially any kind of style. While I'm certain this landscape does the state of an outfit no favors, there's still no excuse. I will certainly lend myself to anyone of you who would like more advanced help with their toilette later on, but for now let's start from the top - with the topper, if you will.
No, my dear miss, that hat is all wrong for your coloring. I do apologize, but I hadn't realized what exotic skin tones were en vogue in this part of the world. The selection is unfortunately limited for the moment, but perhaps you would like to try something a bit plainer and more suited to your...striking features, in a shade less clashing than lime green-- madam, please don't eat the hat. I could stand for a bit of something myself but you don't see me chewing on the other patrons, do you?
Clearly I will have to think of a better approach for this particular set of customers. I do enjoy a challenge, but I must confess that I never knew Americans were quite so peculiar. Between you and me, my good sir...oak? Or are you a fir? Well, either way - I wonder if my lady didn't send me here with some other purpose in mind. As it happens, I heard the most interesting rumour from one of those strange fellows earlier. Apparently there's a Madame Sayre in charge of this place who runs all manner of unethical experiments on the inhabitants. That is just the sort of thing she would find worth investigating, though I do wonder why all the subterfuge. One more mystery to ponder, I suppose, though I do wish an answer would present itself. At least in the mystery of what sort of tree you are...now that I think about it, I don't believe oak trees have berries quite like these - oh, yew!
--Dear me, that really was a terrible pun, even if it wasn't intentional. Still, puns or no, you really should remove that branch before I remove it for you. I believe it would look lovely in the new hat I'm designing at this very moment.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Character: Jake Jensen
Series: The Losers (Vertigo)
Character Age: Late twenties
Job: Leader of Operations for Strong and Enduring Relationships
Canon: The Losers! A totally respectable name for a five-member Special Forces team formerly working under the Central Intelligence Agency. They were betrayed by their handler, Max, who attempted to kill them on one of their missions. They survived, but the entire world believes that they were all “killed in action”. Now, they go on covert operations against the CIA so they can get revenge on Max and get their lives back.
Jake Jensen is the Losers' intelligence specialist and hacker. He's the youngest and most laid-back among the team. He hasn’t ignored the fact that everyone thinks he’s dead, but he doesn’t let that get to him either. He’s an energetic and carefree guy with a knack for making inappropriate comments, and getting into awkward and problematic situations. Like everyone else on the team, he sprinkles most of what he says with a healthy dose of cursing. He talks a lot, and goes off on random tangents, and definitely needs to be told when to shut up. He’s good at being ridiculous and making a fool out of himself, especially in front of women. All-in-all, Jensen is a cool and confident man who works and plays at the same time. Whether it’s picking up women or hacking a computer, he’ll do it in style.
Sample Post:
Helloooooo, lady. Look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn't me. Maybe if your man's name was Jensen, you wouldn’t need to do any looking. Because, you know, then I'd be your ma-- I just want to clarify that I would never hit on someone who’s already taken. I mean, I know I look good, but if you’re fine with your man already, then there’s nothing I can do, right? So. . . I probably should have asked if you already have someone else before doing this whole thing-- you know what? Here’s something to lighten the mood. It’s a flashbang. I wanted to lighten the mood, get it?
Holy shit-- calm the fuck down, Marce! That was really good, jeez! Put those tentacles down and listen here, Marcy. I’m giving you a good and actual field demonstration of how a mission’s supposed to go. If you’re not gonna do what your commanding officer tells you to do, you’re gonna die out there in the field. It’s like the wild, wild west out there! Either you get a yes and make it out alive, get rejected, or worse. . . get friend zoned. You ask Mr. Zombie out now, and you’re gonna get friend zoned so hard and you’ll never be able to move past that. Never. And you’re gonna get left for dead. That’s why you gotta learn from me and not hit me in the face!
Anyway, I told you that lesson number one in making strong and enduring relationships is to always be confident, right? Even if you look ridiculous, you better look ridiculous with pride. Now, lesson number two’s set the mood right. If you look ridiculous, make sure it’s romantic ridiculous and not creepy. I’m pretty sure I covered both those points with what I demonstrated earlier. Also, you need to know that people play hard to get all the fuckin’ time. No lady’s gonna wanna look easy, except on the eyes. So even if you’ve got the good looks and charm, you still gotta learn how to break the ice. That’s how it’s done, alright? Anyway, that’s it for today. My own mission starts at nineteen-hundred, so I need to know if this operation’s gonna work or not. So, without hitting me in the face, let’s hear it. What do you think? What’s my chance of survival?
Sixty-nine percent, what?! No, no, no-- I’m sure you think that kinda shit is funny, but right the fuck now, it isn’t. Especially when the passing rate’s seventy!
Poll #11638 Vote!
Open to: Access List, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 40
In or out?
Character Name: Miles Edgeworth
Series: Ace Attorney (series)
Age: 26
Job: Common Sense Guru
Canon: The Ace Attorney series of games focus on both prosecutors and defenders as they try to uncover the truth behind various nefarious (not to mention utterly bizarre) crimes. While the defense attorneys, such as Phoenix Wright and Apollo Justice, are depicted as valiant underdogs who fight tooth and nail for their client's innocence, the prosecutors can be more ... eccentric. It goes without saying that in the world of Ace Attorney, everyone’s tolerance for the ridiculous has been cranked up several notches. Regardless, the one goal that both sides have (for the most part) is to uncover the truth behind what really happened in each case.
And no one is more motivated to find the truth than prosecutor Miles Edgeworth. Formerly a ruthless prosecutor who was hellbent on finding the defendant guilty no matter what, Edgeworth has grown over the years to become a man dedicated to uncovering the truth, even if it means that he, as the prosecutor, is wrong in a manner of speaking. In his game, he uses logic and deductive reasoning to solve cases. Yes, this is a Special Skill in Ace Attorney-land. While he can seem cold and calculating and his interpersonal relationship skills can be incredibly lacking, Edgeworth does have a heart beneath his constant professionalism and reticence as well as a dry sense of humor. However, despite the fact that Edgeworth may possibly be the least bizarre of the prosecutors, it isn't beneath him to throw a minor fit when, say, his precious tea set is tarnished. That's just how he rolls.
Note: Ace Attorney games have a tradition of highlighting words when an important piece of evidence or concept is mentioned.
Sample Post:
While I am, unfortunately, all too aware of the fact that many seem to suffer from a complete and utter lack of common sense, I must admit that this particular "task" surprises even me. Rather, the idea that gorillas also required training in common sense was something that had never occurred to me before, in part because it's absolutely ludicrous. I had presumed that the liberal usage of the word "gorilla" in the letter requesting my help was merely a figure of speech and a reference to athleticism. I ... suppose it still is a reference to your athleticism, although it's far too literal for my liking. Rest assured, that is a mistake I won't make again. Given that I've already accepted this assignment, however, I do feel an obligation to complete it. So let's begin, shall we?
"Common sense" is a rather difficult concept to define in part because what's common to one culture may not be so in another. As an example - for my kind, we find bathing and maintaining good hygiene as a whole on a regular basis to be "common sense." Judging by the smell that is lingering in this particular area, I can only deduce that bathing is not common among your kind. And while that may help you, er, blend in with the living dead and their ilk around here, it can be quite off putting. One can only wonder if your sense of smell is still even functioning properly with how it is at this moment. Aren't any of you ashamed of yourselves? Let that be another lesson to learn in our course here: you should be.
In any case, there is something that we must discuss while we are on the subject of blending in: your fur. And before you raise an objection in your own manner, this is not about your hygiene. This time. It's about the color of it. I would imagine that purple fur would make it difficult for you in your line of work. You see, it makes you quite ... visible. And as the Director's enforcers, one would think you'd prefer to be anything but in order to have the advantage with the element of surprise. However, as it is, the only things you are capable of blending in with are grapes and Hanna-Barbera cartoons.
But this is where common sense and, therefore, logic can aid you. Take note of your surroundings. What colors do you see? The swamplands of Louisiana have a more neutral palette. If your fur were a more neutral shade, you would be able to fit in more easily. And so you see, the purple is hardly logical in this environment and frankly, I'd rather not know how that color was achieved. However, it's something that can be easily remedied with dye for your fur or ... rolling around in the mud, as your imaginative and ingenuitive cohort is discovering. ... Cohorts. You all don't need to do that, actually. There must be more efficient forms of camouflage and besides, that’s hardly hygienic--! Really, are you gorillas or are you lemmings?!
I ... nngh. I suppose sacrificing one's sensibilities for the upper hand could be seen as some form of "common sense." That putrid stench will put you in good company here, after all. ... For certain definitions of "good."
Poll #11639 Vote!
Open to: Access List, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 43
In or out?
Name: Derek Hale
Series: Teen Wolf (TV Series)
Character Age: 25
Job: Pack Coordinator
Canon: A bite from a werewolf can change your whole high school career - just ask Scott McCall. With enhanced speed and strength, heightened hearing and smell, it’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt. And of course, a lot of someones got hurt. The whole wolf situation has gotten Scott into a lot of messes and teenage drama. At least there are other friendly werewolves to help him with his lycanthropy adventure. … Or not.
Derek Hale, the guy who once thought that helping Scott could be achieved by stalking and leering at him, just became the big werewolf in charge. That doesn’t mean he’s become any less abrasive, clipped, or capable of carrying out most normal social behaviors. He’s rude, to the point, acts like he knows everything, and if he doesn’t have the answer, he’ll resolve most situations by just walking away. He doesn’t trust easily, which puts the last bullet in his leadership qualities. Derek has a whole mess of anger issues revolving around his own failures, but he never copes with them head on. In spite of this, he tries to keep up a cool appearance, and can even turn on some level of charm to get what he wants. It’s one way to hide that he has no idea what he’s doing. For the most part, his heart is in the right place, though his idea of how to handle things leads to a lot of bad decisions and trouble as a result.
Note: In Teen Wolf, werewolves are more powerful when they move in packs.
Sample:
The smell hasn’t been right since I’ve arrived. “Camp Fuck You Die,” was it? “Camp Desperate for Attention” is more like it. Like something that obvious could scare anyone. A monster in the lake, curse of the living dead, a couple of mouthy toucans, and yeah, I’ve already heard about Tuesday’s soup. I can still smell rotten flesh, and it’s what? The end of the week? Where do you get your supplies? Let me guess: Dismembered zombies that get caught on the wrong side of this place, or maybe on the wrong side of the Director. Here’s some advice for her, getting rid of the zombie casserole and using fresh gorilla could solve a lot of her problems. No one likes a week old meal.
You see? To this place you’re meat on legs. You couldn’t even get the jump on me, but it wouldn’t be different if you tried. Yeah, I heard the rustle of leaves a mile away. You run around together, but you’re not a pack, you’re moving targets. That’s exactly what you’ll stay. And if I didn’t hear you first, I would’ve seen you. Hasn’t anyone mentioned that purple doesn’t exactly work as camouflage in a forest? It’s like you want to announce yourself. Get it together. All of you. If you’re going to run around in a pack, the least you could do is act a little more like one. It’s not about getting everyone to work nice, it’s more than that. As the pack becomes stronger, everyone becomes stronger. You move as one. The way things are now, it wouldn’t surprise me if a few of you show up right in the middle of Tuesday’s menu.
So much for your intimidation tactics. I don't have a bone to pick, but you have a few good reasons to turn your tails back into those woods. But before you go you can give a message to your Director. This little joke she disguised as an "employment opportunity" is exactly what it sounds like. A joke, and I’m not buying it. In fact, you can forget all about this “Pack Coordinator” bull and get straight to the real reason why she wants everyone in this Camp. The more people here, the stronger she is. If you knew what you were doing, the five of you and one of me might stand a chance, but I have my own priorities.
It’s just too bad that you’re gonna to have to be one can short of a six-pack.
Poll #11640 Vote!
Open to: Access List, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 41
In or out?
Name: Cesare Borgia
Age: 22
Series: The Borgias (2011)
Job: Amoral Support
Canon: Most men want to do right by their families and give their children the world. But most men don’t take that quite as literally as Rodrigo Borgia, who goes to great lengths to become Pope so he can quite literally give his family the world. His political and spiritual machinations are the cause of (and occasionally the answer to) turmoil that engulfs renaissance Europe. But worry not, it’s nothing that can’t be solved with a little blackmail or the occasional murder. The drama isn’t limited to Rodrigo himself, as his children and even various mistresses end up a willing party to everything from shady political manipulation to war crimes. They aren’t ignorant of what they’re getting into; when you’re a Borgia nothing says “family togetherness” like trying to rule the world.
Cesare Borgia is the oldest son of the Borgia family and as such a lot of responsibility falls on him. He is expected to take his father’s place someday, whether he wants to or not. Which might explain why he can be petulant even when he’s following orders and looking out for the family. And as much as he cares about his family, he cares about himself as well. Cesare tends more toward war than his cardinal title would suggest, and under the cover of a good son he hides his share of violence and hate. Truly, he will do just about anything to get what he wants, including stalking and ordering deaths. He is clever and cunning, and when the need arises, subtle. Cesare does think fairly well of himself, even if he will never be able to live up to ideal man his father wants him to be.
Sample:
First let me apologize for any injury I might have caused when I first arrived. Had I been warned before my arrival that the dead were mobile here and that such walking corpses were well tolerated I would not have tried to condemn you to the bowels hell. Nor would I have set so many of you on fire. Still, I am glad and only slightly worried to see that little damage was done. Really though, if you make a practice of bringing men in as I have been brought you will need to rethink your welcome party. Compared to your horrific entrance the entire French army would have been a less upsetting sight. And I mean that as a man who has faced the entire French army and nearly lost everything. Nearly, but not quite.
For now I am willing to set aside your rather unnatural nature in favor of completing my given task. I am Cesare Borgia, son of His Holiness the Pope of Rome and according to my summons, your new counselor on morality. To be perfectly honest I can see why such counsel would be needed here; even the letter I was sent had been vandalized to make it seem as if I would be here to guide you away from the light. But I was young once, and I have played a trick or two in my time. I am a man not so easily fooled. Regardless of the fact that you could not find anyone more qualified to guide you, I am here now and I will do my best to set you on the path to being more moral and upstanding corpses. Your need seems great and had the Holy Father given me a choice in the matter I am certain I would have chosen to help. Perhaps.
It will, of course, take time before I can give you a full list of the ways you have gone astray. I imagine the list will be long, indeed. Though I can start now with your manner of dress, or lack thereof in many cases. I will see what I can do to get funds in the name of getting you more civil clothing. It is appalling to see that some of you who are very clearly women wearing the clothing of men. Stop moaning, it will not kill you to dress like decent men and women, no more than you have already been killed. Do you not wish to make more of yourselves? You look like victims of a plague, or perhaps the most desperate of beggars. A man must dress for the part he wishes to play! Rid yourself of this unsuitable dress and welcome your new life!
I take it back, put your old life back on. I will think of a better plan.
Poll #11641 Vote!
Open to: Access List, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 41
In or out?
Character Sandalio de Rabiffano (Biffy)
Series: The Parasol Protectorate
Character Age: mid-20s
Job: Hat Shop Proprietor
Canon: [Certain Inevitable Spoilers for Blameless follow]
In an alternate Victorian London, werewolves, vampires, and ghosts are considered perfectly normal, if supernatural, members of society, created from humans with enough excess soul to survive (in a manner of speaking) their death. Alexia Maccon, on the other hand, is a preternatural - a person born without any soul at all, capable of temporarily removing supernatural abilities with a touch. Which makes her marriage to an Alpha werewolf questionable at best (to say nothing of society's opinion of a spinster marrying an earl) and her adventures as a result are always...interesting.
Biffy was just an ordinary drone (companion/food source/future vampire hopeful) to eccentric rove vampire Lord Akeldama, a particular friend of Alexia's, until circumstances (namely, his impending messy death under dubious circumstances) forced him into a very different future than the vampiric - which is to say he got turned into a werewolf. Unsurprisingly this was not something he was exactly happy about, though the friendship he'd developed with Lady Maccon certainly helped the transition. On the whole, however, being werewolf'd ultimately changed little about Biffy's personality. He's a personable, friendly and witty fellow; a consummate dandy and a bit of a gossip who loves all things fashionable. He enjoys being useful to others and is very perceptive, calm and capable; though not entirely without a flair for the dramatic. And he is never wrong about hats.
Sample Post:
When my lady asked me to help open a new branch of the hat shop in the Americas, of all places, I had to wonder what she was about - bit of an odd place to send one, even for the sake of fashion. However, now that I'm here I can see she was entirely correct to send me. You people clearly don't have the first idea about...well, rather a lot of things, but especially any kind of style. While I'm certain this landscape does the state of an outfit no favors, there's still no excuse. I will certainly lend myself to anyone of you who would like more advanced help with their toilette later on, but for now let's start from the top - with the topper, if you will.
No, my dear miss, that hat is all wrong for your coloring. I do apologize, but I hadn't realized what exotic skin tones were en vogue in this part of the world. The selection is unfortunately limited for the moment, but perhaps you would like to try something a bit plainer and more suited to your...striking features, in a shade less clashing than lime green-- madam, please don't eat the hat. I could stand for a bit of something myself but you don't see me chewing on the other patrons, do you?
Clearly I will have to think of a better approach for this particular set of customers. I do enjoy a challenge, but I must confess that I never knew Americans were quite so peculiar. Between you and me, my good sir...oak? Or are you a fir? Well, either way - I wonder if my lady didn't send me here with some other purpose in mind. As it happens, I heard the most interesting rumour from one of those strange fellows earlier. Apparently there's a Madame Sayre in charge of this place who runs all manner of unethical experiments on the inhabitants. That is just the sort of thing she would find worth investigating, though I do wonder why all the subterfuge. One more mystery to ponder, I suppose, though I do wish an answer would present itself. At least in the mystery of what sort of tree you are...now that I think about it, I don't believe oak trees have berries quite like these - oh, yew!
--Dear me, that really was a terrible pun, even if it wasn't intentional. Still, puns or no, you really should remove that branch before I remove it for you. I believe it would look lovely in the new hat I'm designing at this very moment.
Poll #11642 Vote!
Open to: Access List, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 38
In or out?
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Also no longer the only one with the guitar?
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all ins ♥
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aaaaahhhhhhhhhhh okay I will vote on the rest of this round now but my dear, you are perfect. Come and fix my hair if you please.
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Derek, I get that you were going for clipped, but your app really didn't hang together for me because the sentences were almost without exception so short that it felt stilted.
Cesare I abstained on because while the app TOTALLY made me laugh, I question a historical, outwardly religious figure being so willing to accept the undead. But since that seems kind of like a personal choice, I didn't vote o7
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abstain on Jake Jensen for now, everyone else in.
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OUT: Jake, Derek
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My out was Jensen; the humor was a little too meta for me.
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All in, with an abstain on Derek. Good luck guys!
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Also, abstain on Derek, ins for everyone else.
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come to me my people