Nico Robin (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
fleshpetaler) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
campfuckuvote2012-01-28 02:34 pm
fleshpetaler) wrote in campfuckuvote2012-01-28 02:34 pm
(no subject)
More counselors! Let's break in this new comm with LOTS OF VOTING!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
NowVOTE. That was a lot of voting.
Character: The Boss/Playa/MC/The Butcher of Stilwater/etc.
Series: Saints Row series
Character Age: Counselor-aged.
Job: Local Saint of Dubious Justice
Note: The Boss' sex can be customized but for purpose of this app, the Boss will be referred to as female.
Canon: Saints Row is what happens when GTA and crack produces an over the top baby. The series follow the leader of a gang called the Third Street Saints and its rise to the top. More often than not, whenever the Saints are involved deals tend to go down, shit tends to blow up and situations tend to dissolve into chaos, but somehow, they always manage to come out victorious, with profit. Unfortunately, a group called the Syndicate never got the memo when it comes to the warning of "Don’t fuck with the Saints" and decide to start a tussle with the gang. It becomes a decision they quickly regret.
The Boss is like all the bad qualities of gangsters, yakuza and mafia combined, and despite being the protagonist, she is anything but good and heroic. Over the top, wild and ambitious enough to turn the Saints from a small local gang to a world famous household name, the Boss represent the chaotic and unrestrained spirit of the Saints. While she can be the best bro who dicks around with friends in her gang and sometimes come across as silly, make no mistake - she's crude, ruthless and downright psychotic. Pretty much the only redeeming quality about the Boss is that if someone messes with her gang, it's the same as messing with her, and she'll move heaven and hell to rescue them and destroy her adversaries.
Sample Entry:
Whoever gave me the directions needs to be shot in the face. First, I had to drive to the midwest middle of nowhere - to the point that I got sick of seeing all the corn, before the fucking GPS suddenly rerouted me to another middle of nowhere in the swamps. If that was someone's idea of a joke, we'll see how funny it is when I bash their fucking head in for wasting my time. Hell, I couldn’t even cheer myself up by running some bastard over because there wasn't anyone on the road! What the fuck is up with that? Also, for the record, I fucking hate this PR shit. I have no idea who thought it was a good idea to dress all of you in those gorilla suits but, heh, at least it looks realistic now and, hey, if it gets us more cash, I ain't gonna complain. Now, let's get down to business.
I'm here because you dumbasses have been slacking and you really need to get your shit together! Just because there's some story going on about some asshole with a fancy fucking name's threatening to destroy you all, you're just gonna pack your shit and leave if worse comes to worse? Bullshit! We ain't gonna run with our tails between our legs! This isn't the first time some punk decides to fuck with us, and every time we remind them who's the biggest, meanest, motherfucking son of a bitch in town before we crush them! Why?
Because we're the motherfucking Third Street Saints!
So, listen up! First, we'll gather everyone and group up. With a damn name like "Worldeater" there's gotta be more than a few people it pissed off. Then we're gonna need firepower, and maybe a few other weapons to help send a message. So stealing that tentacle monster seems like a good idea because it looks like it cause some serious shit on any unsuspecting idiot and, hell, that water also looks radioactive enough to cause some extra damage. After that, we'll have to find out where that bastard's hiding and we're gonna take this fight to them! We ain't gonna stay on the defensive and hope for the best like a bunch of pussies, got it? We're Saints, we're gonna do this in style, and if you're gonna wear the color of the Saints, you're gonna wear that purple proud, and by the time I'm through with you shitheads, I'll have made a man out of you!
Character: Alec Hardison
Series: Leverage
Age: Mid-20s
Job: Computer liaison for the young, the temporally challenged, and the generally incompetent.
Canon:
When the innocent and powerless are cheated by the people at the top of the pyramid, there's not much to do-- that is, unless those who have been wronged know who to contact. Leverage follows the adventures of a team of criminals who use their less-than-legal skills to play Robin Hood and help the bad people of the world get what's coming to them.
The techie of the group, Hardison is incredibly capable behind the keyboard, able to hack into anything with a battery. He's slightly less capable when it comes to social interaction, as his sarcasm, ego, and tendency to go overboard about certain things can grate on the nerves of his teammates. A self-affirmed geek who loves sci-fi and video games as much as he dislikes the outdoors, Hardison's sometimes flippant attitude hides a guy who is determined to do right by the team's clients and the people he cares about.
Sample:
I just want y’all to know I was fine with this when I thought this was just gonna be a normal kinda teaching thing. Kids are our future and the future belongs to the geek and there ain't no one more qualified to talk about that than me. So this is a public service I don't mind doin', even if y'all's quote-unquote computers are hi-larious examples of what the cool kids were using to play Minesweeper-- five years ago. I'm just assuming they're here to keep the kids from getting in too much trouble on them scary ol' internets and to make those "temporally challenged" people more comfortable. Whatever, those ain't an issue, I can work around that.
But I gotta draw the line somewhere, and this is it. Nobody said this techno learning pow-wow was gonna happen in the middle of nature central. Now there ain't nothing wrong with nature, long as it's the right time and place. Shark Week, those inoffensive screen savers new computers come with, the websites with all them cute animals talkin' in all caps, that's cool! That's cool, that's fine, I am all for that kind of nature. But this is a swampy forest fulla bugs and smells and I'm pretty sure I saw a baby duck settin' something on fire earlier. That ain't nature! That's the planet fighting back, and it's fighting dirty. Literally fighting dirty. Me and my geek skills want nothing to do with that.
Anyway, y'all can do fine without me. Gotta be honest here, but I not only am I qualified for this job, but I am overqualified. Seriously overqualified. Anybody wanna learn about how to press the on button or put in blinky text or whatever can crack open a book. Hell, you find me a decent laptop and give me five minutes and I can make it so the little Microsoft talking paper clip can do this job. Puttin' me in charge of teaching basic computer commands is like asking Spock to stand around and be the "repeating all the stuff the computer says" guy. Unnecessary and a waste of all kinds of talent. Not that half y'all's gonna know what I'm talking about, since the setting's making me think y'all are more up on your rural horror movies than classic sci-fi. Too bad I ain't got a metaphor that suits that genre that don't end in grisly death, and I ain't tempting fate with them little pyro-ducks wanderin' around. 'Sides, I wore my red shirt today.
Alright? Yeah? ...Yeah, we got this. We have come to an understanding. So I'm just gonna leave y'all with some book titles, maybe a couple helpful little lists of what keys y'all shouldn't push if you wanna keep your glorified paperweights in working condition. If anybody's got any questions or feels like they're ready for the advanced class where we learn stuff like how to punch holes in high-end security systems, you lemme know! I'm gonna be in the nearest building with wi-fi and walls capable of keeping Mother Nature out of my hair.
Name: J’onn J’onzz / The Martian Manhunter
Series: Justice League (animated)
Age: 500+
Job: Telepath for the Mute
Canon: Following the realization that Superman alone could not defend Earth from all its many trials and tribulations, a small but fiercely capable group of superheroes from around the globe gathered together to fight against an alien invasion. Their teamwork and victory against all odds inspired these new super friends to form a Justice League, where they could watch over the planet and keep it safe from harm’s way together. Learning to play nice and keep a handle on things followed, a feat far more impressive than it sounds given the members’ super-sized egos.
J’onn J’onzz, a telepathic shapeshifter originally from the planet Mars, is the very last living Martian. Having relocated to Earth following the defeat of the initial invaders, he has found much comfort in his new-found family and in Oreos, his favorite food. A normally calm and rational man, J’onn tends to think before he acts and reflects often. This tends to make it difficult, though not impossible, to get a rise out of him. Coming to grips with the death of his entire race has been a hurdle he still isn’t fully over, but every superhero is allowed a family-related hang up or two. Just ask Batman.
App:
Greetings to you all. My name is J’onn J’onzz. I have been asked to speak here, to the citizens of your camp on the behalf of those without speech capabilities of their own. As with the notice, the letter sent to me alongside this seashell locket and three-day contract requested that I loan my voice amiably. Such a strong desire for help I cannot turn down. And, to have had so many denizens here look to me in particular, it is indeed an honor to be here.
Now, to those who have signed on for my aid as per the contract, please allow me to address some of your groups personally . There is not time enough to speak to everyone on the personal level just yet. Firstly, to those who have recently suffered losses: I am afraid that I cannot ‘give voice’ to any who have departed this life. It is not an easy question to be asked, and it is not my intention to leave you in the lurch. Such a feat is … impossible. There is no way to speak to the dead. No manner of board or crystal will change what has already been done. You have my sincere apologies.
... Ah, I see. It would appear I have been misinformed. It is the undead who desire my services. Yes... your thoughts are both simple and pure. Knowledge sought may become knowledge gained. Perhaps these brains you seek shall sate some of your hunger. I wish you luck in your endeavors.
Now, for the rest of you. For one’s mind to be read, one must first have a mind of their own, The sentient I will gladly receive. But, and I fear this must be repeated to be understood by you all, walls will never speak even through me. They simply have no thoughts to lay bare. At least, such is normal for buildings. Strange, that these walls manage to emanate feelings... Sore and filled with a tension unresolved. The psychic powers in this camp are great indeed.
Or perhaps I have unfairly judged your culture and mistaken your kindnesses. I am a guest here, and it is rude of me to presume anything. There is much to see in this world, and already I have seen much more here than I ever anticipated. Allow me to make up for misdeeds past and to prolong our good relations with one of your own. Miss Marcy, allow me to address you whose heart is breaking and whose passion is known by all. It would do me great honor to seat you as my guest so that we may become acquainted as emissaries ought. I find that a snack is useful to help break the ice. I have discovered as well that, even without a mind to read, milk has a favorite cookie. Friends, for myself and this great lady, and for yourselves as well please listen. We need Oreos, and we need them as soon as possible.
Character: Ichimonji Pirohiko
Series: Z.H.P.: Unlosing Ranger vs Darkdeath Evilman
Character Age: Mid-to-late 20s
Job:Camp Licensed Official Specialist for Entry-level Rangers (L.O.S.E.R.)
Canon: Danger! Excitement! Intense drama! The ultimate battle between the Unlosing Ranger, champion of justice, and Darkdeath Evilman, the most vile being on Earth, is about to begin! The whole world can only watch while Pirohiko Ichimonji, their only hope for salvation, races to reach the final battlefield and save the day! Except Pirohiko gets run over by a car and dies before he can actually save the world, leaving his Unlosing Ranger duties to an unfortunate teenage boy who just happened to be standing nearby.
Pirohiko is very suited for the role of a hero. He is eternally optimistic, burning with enthusiasm, and more energetic than the Energizer bunny. It makes him a very respected and admired Unlosing Ranger, but he doesn't seem to have an off switch for this kind of behavior, so it blends in to his personal life as well. He's just full of determination and won't give up until he saves the day. He also sees himself as something of a mentor, and he likes to give out advice whenever he can. However, he doesn't think before he speaks, so often his advice contradicts advice he has given previously. On top of all that, he is incredibly dense, so any criticism goes right over his head. But despite the misfortune he brings, Pirohiko doesn't have a mean bone in his body. He may mess up sometimes, but he is very devoted to JUSTICE and doing what's right for the people of the world.
Sample Post: Greetings, future Rangers! I am none other than Pirohiko Ichimonji, the former Unlosing Ranger! My presence may be surprising, but you have nothing to fear. While I usually appear where there are dangerous evildoers committing dastardly acts of villainy, there are no imminent threats within this camp. Instead of fighting the forces of evil, I am here today to be your instructor. Yes, I am none other than the Licensed Official Specialist for Entry-level Rangers for this camp. With my experience and expertise, you will all become top-notch Rangers before your time at camp is done.
Your first lesson is this: "An Unlosing Ranger never judges someone by their looks." Villainy comes in all shapes and forms, and thus appearances alone cannot be used to judge if a person is evil or not. That rotting zombie that keeps following you may seem grotesque, but he could actually be a nice guy under his disgusting exterior. If you were to ask him about his life, he may tell you that his name is Bob and he has a zombie family waiting for him back home. But if you just blast him to oblivion without asking, you'll never know! You must look beyond a zombie's eternal hunger and stench to see the person inside.
But of course, don't mistake being kind for being a pushover. Just as someone who looks bad may be good, someone who looks good may be bad. That attractive woman who happens to run a summer camp may seem like a nice person, but beneath that cool exterior is a devious mind! No matter how sexy she may be, do not trust her when she asks for a 'small favor'! That small favor could end up being a string of dubious acts which results in the kidnapping of hundreds of minors! And you don't want to be the one stuck in a counselor shirt when the cops come calling, they won't listen to your protests of "but she said everything was legit!" To put it bluntly, if it sounds like someone is asking you to commit criminal acts, don't be swayed by their beauty.
So yes, remember that you must look beyond appearances to see the person beneath. However, this lack of judgment must last beyond an initial meeting. Sometimes you may have to be comrades with someone you consider absolutely hideous. You must remember that looks aren't everything! Beneath that grotesque exterior you may find a true friend, or maybe even someone who will watch your back. Being an Unlosing Ranger is not an easy task, and any help you get will only be a benefit. You mustn't be scared off by a few wandering tentacles, and you have to be careful not to call anyone by an offensive name. She may be gross and not to your tastes at all, but she is still a woman and you must treat her like one! Being a giant tentacle monster doesn't overrule the fact that she still has a soft heart and just wants someone to love her. So bite back those feelings of revulsion! Treat her nicely, befriend her! Before you know it, you'll see her for the lovely person she is on the inside.
What's that? Marcy has confiscated all of the cake in camp and is using it as bait to lure campers to her lake? That FIEND! Quickly, we must go liberate the baked goods before dessert is ruined! Show that monstrous sushi platter no mercy! Entry-level Rangers, GO!
Character: Methos (Adam Pierson)
Series: Highlander: The Series
Character Age: Over 5000 years old, but appears to be about 30.
Job: Distinguished Professor of Zombie Cultural Studies
Canon: Highlander takes place in a world where immortals walk among us. They are ageless and immune to illness and most injury, but being an immortal does come with a unique downside. Every immortal is engaged in playing The Game; they must duel each other with swords, in an attempt to take the head of their opponent. Those that are successful get to live another day, and are one step closer to winning the unknown prize that all immortals play for. In the end, there can be only one! Watching over these immortals and their secret battles are the very aptly named Watchers, a secret organization that exists to observe and record, but never interfere.
Methos, who is possibly the eldest immortal still living, enjoys being thought of as a myth. His current identity is Adam Pierson, a graduate student working with the Watchers to research . . . well, himself. This arrangements works out quite well for Methos, because he tries very hard to avoid other immortals and keep out of The Game. Methos himself is a perfect pessimist, who is frequently ready to let loose with his biting sense of humor and sarcasm. He will almost always put himself first and does not easily trust other people. However, while Methos can and has been called manipulative and arrogant, he has also proven to be a loyal friend. It always pays to never forget that what Methos does best is survive, no matter what the cost.
Note: Methos is a huge Queen fan, which is . . . extremely meta, yes.
Sample Entry:
Well played, Ms. Sayre. Well played. I especially like the extra bit you added to my job title. Putting a "distinguished" in front of it adds a certain level of class to the whole affair . . . that is, if you're willing to overlook the doctored information, kidnapping, and ridiculousness of a professorship in Zombie Cultural Studies. Whatever that is. While I've heard rumors about some academic institutions resorting to underhanded methods to recruit people, this is the first time that I've had a false application and curriculum vitae submitted. I'm not entirely sure what I've done to become a top candidate for your lovely camp, but it certainly was not authoring "Zombie Mating Rituals of the 21st Century" or "101 Low-Fat Recipes for Brains". After having the dubious pleasure of flipping through them this morning, I'm considering bringing suit for defamation of character. It's almost as if I can feel any respect I had as a scholar plummeting from here.
Usually, some sort of interview is required, too. Speaking over the telephone, visiting campus for a job talk, and awkward conversations at dinner with your potential future employers are steps that you don't often skip. While I applaud your unique time-saving strategy, I think you've failed to consider something. Kidnapping me from the library, stuffing me into a crate marked "Fresh Bananas", and mailing me to Louisiana against my will is not only inconsiderate and rude, but also illegal. You might want to apologize to those gorillas who let me out when I arrived, too. They were very disappointed by the lack of free bananas in the free bananas box. The least you could do is send them a fruit basket.
You know what? Add me to that fruit basket list. I think I deserve one, since you're also forcing me deal with grad students this quickly after my travel adventure. At least zombie grad students don't seem to be much different from the normal sort. They have the same dead look in their eyes and . . . well, I suppose the falling apart in my office is much more literal here. In spite of all the tears and falling limbs, I did manage to pick up on the fact that they are convinced we're working on a research project together. It may have escaped your notice, but people who were forced into their job after being kidnapped tend to be somewhat reluctant to do any real work. Looks like someone else is going to have to study the typical life cycle and longevity of the North American Zombie.
Now that I've made my position clear, Ms. Sayre, I think I'll bring this to a close with an appropriately themed Queen reference: Who wants to live forever, when all you have to look forward to is falling apart and eating brains?
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now
Character: The Boss/Playa/MC/The Butcher of Stilwater/etc.
Series: Saints Row series
Character Age: Counselor-aged.
Job: Local Saint of Dubious Justice
Note: The Boss' sex can be customized but for purpose of this app, the Boss will be referred to as female.
Canon: Saints Row is what happens when GTA and crack produces an over the top baby. The series follow the leader of a gang called the Third Street Saints and its rise to the top. More often than not, whenever the Saints are involved deals tend to go down, shit tends to blow up and situations tend to dissolve into chaos, but somehow, they always manage to come out victorious, with profit. Unfortunately, a group called the Syndicate never got the memo when it comes to the warning of "Don’t fuck with the Saints" and decide to start a tussle with the gang. It becomes a decision they quickly regret.
The Boss is like all the bad qualities of gangsters, yakuza and mafia combined, and despite being the protagonist, she is anything but good and heroic. Over the top, wild and ambitious enough to turn the Saints from a small local gang to a world famous household name, the Boss represent the chaotic and unrestrained spirit of the Saints. While she can be the best bro who dicks around with friends in her gang and sometimes come across as silly, make no mistake - she's crude, ruthless and downright psychotic. Pretty much the only redeeming quality about the Boss is that if someone messes with her gang, it's the same as messing with her, and she'll move heaven and hell to rescue them and destroy her adversaries.
Sample Entry:
Whoever gave me the directions needs to be shot in the face. First, I had to drive to the midwest middle of nowhere - to the point that I got sick of seeing all the corn, before the fucking GPS suddenly rerouted me to another middle of nowhere in the swamps. If that was someone's idea of a joke, we'll see how funny it is when I bash their fucking head in for wasting my time. Hell, I couldn’t even cheer myself up by running some bastard over because there wasn't anyone on the road! What the fuck is up with that? Also, for the record, I fucking hate this PR shit. I have no idea who thought it was a good idea to dress all of you in those gorilla suits but, heh, at least it looks realistic now and, hey, if it gets us more cash, I ain't gonna complain. Now, let's get down to business.
I'm here because you dumbasses have been slacking and you really need to get your shit together! Just because there's some story going on about some asshole with a fancy fucking name's threatening to destroy you all, you're just gonna pack your shit and leave if worse comes to worse? Bullshit! We ain't gonna run with our tails between our legs! This isn't the first time some punk decides to fuck with us, and every time we remind them who's the biggest, meanest, motherfucking son of a bitch in town before we crush them! Why?
Because we're the motherfucking Third Street Saints!
So, listen up! First, we'll gather everyone and group up. With a damn name like "Worldeater" there's gotta be more than a few people it pissed off. Then we're gonna need firepower, and maybe a few other weapons to help send a message. So stealing that tentacle monster seems like a good idea because it looks like it cause some serious shit on any unsuspecting idiot and, hell, that water also looks radioactive enough to cause some extra damage. After that, we'll have to find out where that bastard's hiding and we're gonna take this fight to them! We ain't gonna stay on the defensive and hope for the best like a bunch of pussies, got it? We're Saints, we're gonna do this in style, and if you're gonna wear the color of the Saints, you're gonna wear that purple proud, and by the time I'm through with you shitheads, I'll have made a man out of you!
Poll #9286 Vote!
Open to: Access List, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 50
In or out?
Character: Alec Hardison
Series: Leverage
Age: Mid-20s
Job: Computer liaison for the young, the temporally challenged, and the generally incompetent.
Canon:
When the innocent and powerless are cheated by the people at the top of the pyramid, there's not much to do-- that is, unless those who have been wronged know who to contact. Leverage follows the adventures of a team of criminals who use their less-than-legal skills to play Robin Hood and help the bad people of the world get what's coming to them.
The techie of the group, Hardison is incredibly capable behind the keyboard, able to hack into anything with a battery. He's slightly less capable when it comes to social interaction, as his sarcasm, ego, and tendency to go overboard about certain things can grate on the nerves of his teammates. A self-affirmed geek who loves sci-fi and video games as much as he dislikes the outdoors, Hardison's sometimes flippant attitude hides a guy who is determined to do right by the team's clients and the people he cares about.
Sample:
I just want y’all to know I was fine with this when I thought this was just gonna be a normal kinda teaching thing. Kids are our future and the future belongs to the geek and there ain't no one more qualified to talk about that than me. So this is a public service I don't mind doin', even if y'all's quote-unquote computers are hi-larious examples of what the cool kids were using to play Minesweeper-- five years ago. I'm just assuming they're here to keep the kids from getting in too much trouble on them scary ol' internets and to make those "temporally challenged" people more comfortable. Whatever, those ain't an issue, I can work around that.
But I gotta draw the line somewhere, and this is it. Nobody said this techno learning pow-wow was gonna happen in the middle of nature central. Now there ain't nothing wrong with nature, long as it's the right time and place. Shark Week, those inoffensive screen savers new computers come with, the websites with all them cute animals talkin' in all caps, that's cool! That's cool, that's fine, I am all for that kind of nature. But this is a swampy forest fulla bugs and smells and I'm pretty sure I saw a baby duck settin' something on fire earlier. That ain't nature! That's the planet fighting back, and it's fighting dirty. Literally fighting dirty. Me and my geek skills want nothing to do with that.
Anyway, y'all can do fine without me. Gotta be honest here, but I not only am I qualified for this job, but I am overqualified. Seriously overqualified. Anybody wanna learn about how to press the on button or put in blinky text or whatever can crack open a book. Hell, you find me a decent laptop and give me five minutes and I can make it so the little Microsoft talking paper clip can do this job. Puttin' me in charge of teaching basic computer commands is like asking Spock to stand around and be the "repeating all the stuff the computer says" guy. Unnecessary and a waste of all kinds of talent. Not that half y'all's gonna know what I'm talking about, since the setting's making me think y'all are more up on your rural horror movies than classic sci-fi. Too bad I ain't got a metaphor that suits that genre that don't end in grisly death, and I ain't tempting fate with them little pyro-ducks wanderin' around. 'Sides, I wore my red shirt today.
Alright? Yeah? ...Yeah, we got this. We have come to an understanding. So I'm just gonna leave y'all with some book titles, maybe a couple helpful little lists of what keys y'all shouldn't push if you wanna keep your glorified paperweights in working condition. If anybody's got any questions or feels like they're ready for the advanced class where we learn stuff like how to punch holes in high-end security systems, you lemme know! I'm gonna be in the nearest building with wi-fi and walls capable of keeping Mother Nature out of my hair.
Poll #9287 Vote!
Open to: Access List, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 55
In or out?
Name: J’onn J’onzz / The Martian Manhunter
Series: Justice League (animated)
Age: 500+
Job: Telepath for the Mute
Canon: Following the realization that Superman alone could not defend Earth from all its many trials and tribulations, a small but fiercely capable group of superheroes from around the globe gathered together to fight against an alien invasion. Their teamwork and victory against all odds inspired these new super friends to form a Justice League, where they could watch over the planet and keep it safe from harm’s way together. Learning to play nice and keep a handle on things followed, a feat far more impressive than it sounds given the members’ super-sized egos.
J’onn J’onzz, a telepathic shapeshifter originally from the planet Mars, is the very last living Martian. Having relocated to Earth following the defeat of the initial invaders, he has found much comfort in his new-found family and in Oreos, his favorite food. A normally calm and rational man, J’onn tends to think before he acts and reflects often. This tends to make it difficult, though not impossible, to get a rise out of him. Coming to grips with the death of his entire race has been a hurdle he still isn’t fully over, but every superhero is allowed a family-related hang up or two. Just ask Batman.
App:
Greetings to you all. My name is J’onn J’onzz. I have been asked to speak here, to the citizens of your camp on the behalf of those without speech capabilities of their own. As with the notice, the letter sent to me alongside this seashell locket and three-day contract requested that I loan my voice amiably. Such a strong desire for help I cannot turn down. And, to have had so many denizens here look to me in particular, it is indeed an honor to be here.
Now, to those who have signed on for my aid as per the contract, please allow me to address some of your groups personally . There is not time enough to speak to everyone on the personal level just yet. Firstly, to those who have recently suffered losses: I am afraid that I cannot ‘give voice’ to any who have departed this life. It is not an easy question to be asked, and it is not my intention to leave you in the lurch. Such a feat is … impossible. There is no way to speak to the dead. No manner of board or crystal will change what has already been done. You have my sincere apologies.
... Ah, I see. It would appear I have been misinformed. It is the undead who desire my services. Yes... your thoughts are both simple and pure. Knowledge sought may become knowledge gained. Perhaps these brains you seek shall sate some of your hunger. I wish you luck in your endeavors.
Now, for the rest of you. For one’s mind to be read, one must first have a mind of their own, The sentient I will gladly receive. But, and I fear this must be repeated to be understood by you all, walls will never speak even through me. They simply have no thoughts to lay bare. At least, such is normal for buildings. Strange, that these walls manage to emanate feelings... Sore and filled with a tension unresolved. The psychic powers in this camp are great indeed.
Or perhaps I have unfairly judged your culture and mistaken your kindnesses. I am a guest here, and it is rude of me to presume anything. There is much to see in this world, and already I have seen much more here than I ever anticipated. Allow me to make up for misdeeds past and to prolong our good relations with one of your own. Miss Marcy, allow me to address you whose heart is breaking and whose passion is known by all. It would do me great honor to seat you as my guest so that we may become acquainted as emissaries ought. I find that a snack is useful to help break the ice. I have discovered as well that, even without a mind to read, milk has a favorite cookie. Friends, for myself and this great lady, and for yourselves as well please listen. We need Oreos, and we need them as soon as possible.
Poll #9288 Vote!
Open to: Access List, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 53
In or out?
Character: Ichimonji Pirohiko
Series: Z.H.P.: Unlosing Ranger vs Darkdeath Evilman
Character Age: Mid-to-late 20s
Job:Camp Licensed Official Specialist for Entry-level Rangers (L.O.S.E.R.)
Canon: Danger! Excitement! Intense drama! The ultimate battle between the Unlosing Ranger, champion of justice, and Darkdeath Evilman, the most vile being on Earth, is about to begin! The whole world can only watch while Pirohiko Ichimonji, their only hope for salvation, races to reach the final battlefield and save the day! Except Pirohiko gets run over by a car and dies before he can actually save the world, leaving his Unlosing Ranger duties to an unfortunate teenage boy who just happened to be standing nearby.
Pirohiko is very suited for the role of a hero. He is eternally optimistic, burning with enthusiasm, and more energetic than the Energizer bunny. It makes him a very respected and admired Unlosing Ranger, but he doesn't seem to have an off switch for this kind of behavior, so it blends in to his personal life as well. He's just full of determination and won't give up until he saves the day. He also sees himself as something of a mentor, and he likes to give out advice whenever he can. However, he doesn't think before he speaks, so often his advice contradicts advice he has given previously. On top of all that, he is incredibly dense, so any criticism goes right over his head. But despite the misfortune he brings, Pirohiko doesn't have a mean bone in his body. He may mess up sometimes, but he is very devoted to JUSTICE and doing what's right for the people of the world.
Sample Post: Greetings, future Rangers! I am none other than Pirohiko Ichimonji, the former Unlosing Ranger! My presence may be surprising, but you have nothing to fear. While I usually appear where there are dangerous evildoers committing dastardly acts of villainy, there are no imminent threats within this camp. Instead of fighting the forces of evil, I am here today to be your instructor. Yes, I am none other than the Licensed Official Specialist for Entry-level Rangers for this camp. With my experience and expertise, you will all become top-notch Rangers before your time at camp is done.
Your first lesson is this: "An Unlosing Ranger never judges someone by their looks." Villainy comes in all shapes and forms, and thus appearances alone cannot be used to judge if a person is evil or not. That rotting zombie that keeps following you may seem grotesque, but he could actually be a nice guy under his disgusting exterior. If you were to ask him about his life, he may tell you that his name is Bob and he has a zombie family waiting for him back home. But if you just blast him to oblivion without asking, you'll never know! You must look beyond a zombie's eternal hunger and stench to see the person inside.
But of course, don't mistake being kind for being a pushover. Just as someone who looks bad may be good, someone who looks good may be bad. That attractive woman who happens to run a summer camp may seem like a nice person, but beneath that cool exterior is a devious mind! No matter how sexy she may be, do not trust her when she asks for a 'small favor'! That small favor could end up being a string of dubious acts which results in the kidnapping of hundreds of minors! And you don't want to be the one stuck in a counselor shirt when the cops come calling, they won't listen to your protests of "but she said everything was legit!" To put it bluntly, if it sounds like someone is asking you to commit criminal acts, don't be swayed by their beauty.
So yes, remember that you must look beyond appearances to see the person beneath. However, this lack of judgment must last beyond an initial meeting. Sometimes you may have to be comrades with someone you consider absolutely hideous. You must remember that looks aren't everything! Beneath that grotesque exterior you may find a true friend, or maybe even someone who will watch your back. Being an Unlosing Ranger is not an easy task, and any help you get will only be a benefit. You mustn't be scared off by a few wandering tentacles, and you have to be careful not to call anyone by an offensive name. She may be gross and not to your tastes at all, but she is still a woman and you must treat her like one! Being a giant tentacle monster doesn't overrule the fact that she still has a soft heart and just wants someone to love her. So bite back those feelings of revulsion! Treat her nicely, befriend her! Before you know it, you'll see her for the lovely person she is on the inside.
What's that? Marcy has confiscated all of the cake in camp and is using it as bait to lure campers to her lake? That FIEND! Quickly, we must go liberate the baked goods before dessert is ruined! Show that monstrous sushi platter no mercy! Entry-level Rangers, GO!
Poll #9289 Vote!
Open to: Access List, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 49
In or out?
Character: Methos (Adam Pierson)
Series: Highlander: The Series
Character Age: Over 5000 years old, but appears to be about 30.
Job: Distinguished Professor of Zombie Cultural Studies
Canon: Highlander takes place in a world where immortals walk among us. They are ageless and immune to illness and most injury, but being an immortal does come with a unique downside. Every immortal is engaged in playing The Game; they must duel each other with swords, in an attempt to take the head of their opponent. Those that are successful get to live another day, and are one step closer to winning the unknown prize that all immortals play for. In the end, there can be only one! Watching over these immortals and their secret battles are the very aptly named Watchers, a secret organization that exists to observe and record, but never interfere.
Methos, who is possibly the eldest immortal still living, enjoys being thought of as a myth. His current identity is Adam Pierson, a graduate student working with the Watchers to research . . . well, himself. This arrangements works out quite well for Methos, because he tries very hard to avoid other immortals and keep out of The Game. Methos himself is a perfect pessimist, who is frequently ready to let loose with his biting sense of humor and sarcasm. He will almost always put himself first and does not easily trust other people. However, while Methos can and has been called manipulative and arrogant, he has also proven to be a loyal friend. It always pays to never forget that what Methos does best is survive, no matter what the cost.
Note: Methos is a huge Queen fan, which is . . . extremely meta, yes.
Sample Entry:
Well played, Ms. Sayre. Well played. I especially like the extra bit you added to my job title. Putting a "distinguished" in front of it adds a certain level of class to the whole affair . . . that is, if you're willing to overlook the doctored information, kidnapping, and ridiculousness of a professorship in Zombie Cultural Studies. Whatever that is. While I've heard rumors about some academic institutions resorting to underhanded methods to recruit people, this is the first time that I've had a false application and curriculum vitae submitted. I'm not entirely sure what I've done to become a top candidate for your lovely camp, but it certainly was not authoring "Zombie Mating Rituals of the 21st Century" or "101 Low-Fat Recipes for Brains". After having the dubious pleasure of flipping through them this morning, I'm considering bringing suit for defamation of character. It's almost as if I can feel any respect I had as a scholar plummeting from here.
Usually, some sort of interview is required, too. Speaking over the telephone, visiting campus for a job talk, and awkward conversations at dinner with your potential future employers are steps that you don't often skip. While I applaud your unique time-saving strategy, I think you've failed to consider something. Kidnapping me from the library, stuffing me into a crate marked "Fresh Bananas", and mailing me to Louisiana against my will is not only inconsiderate and rude, but also illegal. You might want to apologize to those gorillas who let me out when I arrived, too. They were very disappointed by the lack of free bananas in the free bananas box. The least you could do is send them a fruit basket.
You know what? Add me to that fruit basket list. I think I deserve one, since you're also forcing me deal with grad students this quickly after my travel adventure. At least zombie grad students don't seem to be much different from the normal sort. They have the same dead look in their eyes and . . . well, I suppose the falling apart in my office is much more literal here. In spite of all the tears and falling limbs, I did manage to pick up on the fact that they are convinced we're working on a research project together. It may have escaped your notice, but people who were forced into their job after being kidnapped tend to be somewhat reluctant to do any real work. Looks like someone else is going to have to study the typical life cycle and longevity of the North American Zombie.
Now that I've made my position clear, Ms. Sayre, I think I'll bring this to a close with an appropriately themed Queen reference: Who wants to live forever, when all you have to look forward to is falling apart and eating brains?
Poll #9290 Vote!
Open to: Access List, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 53
In or out?