Thomas Barrow (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
unwinding) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
campfuckuvote2013-05-01 09:00 pm
unwinding) wrote in campfuckuvote2013-05-01 09:00 pm
(no subject)
First batch! We've got a bunch here, so let's get to voting!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. These results seem solid. Closed!
Character: Alphonse Elric
Series: Fullmetal Alchemist (manga)
Character Age: 14
Canon: Fullmetal Alchemist is a heart-punching exercise in brotherly codependency, bitter irony, and body horrors. In a world where alchemy is more than just wishful thinking, two young brothers use the scientific art to commit one of its ultimate taboos—"transmuting" (that is, using alchemy to modify the body or soul of) a human being. Trying to bring their mother back from the dead costs Edward Elric an arm and a leg, and his brother, Alphonse, an entire body. The series starts four years after this failed attempt, and follows them as they search for the Philosopher's Stone, a legendary source of power that might be the key to regaining their original bodies.
Alphonse is the younger of the two brothers, although his maturity and mother henning often leads people to assume otherwise. Despite the fact that he now exists only as a soul bound to an antique suit of armor that is unable to feel, eat, or sleep, he tries to stay upbeat and optimistic, and is always friendly and ready to help friends and strangers (and stray animals) alike. Al is generally seen as endlessly kindhearted, polite, and patient, but he can get indignant about some things (his large size is a bit of a sore spot), and isn't afraid to assert himself, or even get violent, if he has to. Although his real age shows in his naive attempts at pacifism, he knows a good menacing knuckle-cracking—from a 7 foot tall suit of armor, natch—might be just what you need to get the job done.
Notes: Because human transmutation is illegal, Alphonse has to keep the fact that there's no body inside his armor a secret. He's being taken from around chapter 72, before his soul starts to try to detach itself.
Sample post:
What is your job here at CFUD? What do you think that means?
I keep telling you, I'm not a counselor. This armor just makes me seem big! Really, your men wouldn't stop trying to get me to sign these forms... I tried to tell them there was a misunderstanding, but they just wouldn't listen. Although I guess it was nice that they gave me options to choose from. Mm, let's see. Official watering can, official paperweight, official doorstop... Ah, that's mean! Then again, those jobs would be pretty easy, wouldn't they? —What am I saying? I'm not doing any of these! That's child labor, you know. I wouldn't want you to get into any trouble.
Tell us about yourself in a few words.
Oh! How many is "a few"? This feels so official. My name is Alphonse Elric, age 14! And that's why I can't be a counselor. But I think I'm good with kids, so I'd still like to help out. Since this is a summer camp, I bet it gets hectic, and I have experience wrangling stubborn people. Really, if I can get my brother to drink milk, I can handle most things. He bites.
Why are you joining our happy community?
The truth is I was in the middle of something else, and I sort of ended up here on accident, so I didn't have a choice. —Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude! I'm sure I'll get used to it. Really, as long as you have a library, I'm happy! It's pretty here, too. I've never seen the ocean before, so this is really nice. I just hope I don't rust.
Do you have any deep personal traumas you might inexplicably be compelled to share in this interview?
Umm... I think I'll pass.
Have you committed any crimes you were or should have been convicted of?
... Pass!
Are you lying on your previous answer?
These questions make me seem so shady! Sorry, do you think we could we change the subject...?
Do you have a five year plan in mind?
I can't really talk about that, either, but—Once things settle down, I'd like a pet kitten. Maybe even two or three! We've been on the road a lot, so I'm not allowed to keep the ones I find. I know it seems silly compared to all the other things people plan for, but they're so cute...! I wonder if there are any around here. If they need a good home, it's okay to adopt one, isn't it? Just for a little while! And we don’t have to tell my brother, right? ... Right!
What’s your most distinguishing feature?
My personality! ... Is what I'd like to say, but it's the armor, isn't it... I guess it can't be helped. But I promise I'm not as scary as it makes me look! Then again, if these crows keep trying to use me as a nest, that might stand out even more than this does. I've heard they like shiny objects, but this seems a bit extreme.
Character: Elena Gilbert
Series: The Vampire Diaries
Character Age: 17
Canon: The Vampire Diaries begins as a TV show about the supernatural world lurking just beneath the mundane skin of Mystic Falls, Virginia. Vampires, witches, werewolves, hybrids, self-styled gods and ghosts - every possible way the dead can still be present and wreaking havoc, they are. The series grows in geographical scope as its mythology and catalogue of monsters expands, but somehow always comes back around to the sleepy little Southern town.
The series' main protagonist is Elena Gilbert, a seemingly normal teenage girl struggling to deal with the recent deaths of both her parents and to reconnect with the world. After being orphaned Elena balances between the practical, snarky, fun-loving teenager she used to be and the new gravity and perspective grief has instilled in her. She loves deeply and recklessly and will give up her own life in a heartbeat to protect others. Coping only gets more complicated with time as she realizes there is nothing normal - or safe - about her life. Transported to camp just before the bloody ritual sacrifice that was, in some people's opinion, the entire point of her existence, Elena has everything at stake back home - and everything to lose by returning.
Sample:
Tell us about yourself in a few words.
Wow. Uh. I feel like I'm auditioning. For, I guess, kidnap? Hi, fellow citizens! My name is Elena Gilbert. I'm still in school, I live - lived - in Mystic Falls, I used to want to be a writer...I don't bite. If I do bite, I'm not actually me and you should leave immediately, get on vervaine, and avoid her as much as possible. Seriously, she's bad news, and I'd like to know if she's here.
Why are you joining our happy community?
Unwillingly? I feel like I need to point that out. Sure, most of you would probably guess but something about how chirpy this question sounds...either chirpy or bitter. Who wrote this questionnaire? Victims, or megalomaniac?
If you could choose to bring three objects to a desert island, what would you bring and why?
A good book, a stake, and my best friends. The first because desert islands sound boring, the second just because of my life, and the third because I have faith Caroline would organize the whole barren wilderness into fruitful submission and...well, I always need my bestie, right? In the hypothetical sense wherein I am not consigning Bonnie or Caroline to an impromptu round of Lord of the Flies.
Why are you a valuable asset to this camp?
In a sick and twisted game of life, death and humiliation experiments, I can safely say I have experience points. So just for the sake of a hypothetical argument, if you were looking for people who'd live long enough for you to really get your twisted jollies off...good choice?
What do you expect from the counselors?
No idea, but I really hope there isn't an army of Stepford babysitters waiting to make me do Arts and Crafts. There's cruel and unusual and then there's just...mean. I mean, not that I don't prefer safety scissors to a grisly death or dismemberment or...I'll stop. I'll stop talking now.
Do you think you are good in a crisis? Why?
I'm good at surviving them so far, mostly through pure luck, desperation and a lot of people who love me more than I deserve. I don't have a good answer for this question, sorry - I'm sorry. I like to think I've got some practice at not panicking when faced with dire straits. (Oh god, please don't take that as a challenge.)
Character: Junpei Hyuuga
Series: Kuroko's Basketball
Character Age: 17
Canon: Kuroko’s Basketball is about a boy named Kuroko Tetsuya, and his adventures in the high school basketball scene. Upon graduating from middle school, he enters Seirin High and joins the school’s newly found basketball club. It’s there where he further develops his style of play; goes against his former middle school teammates; and makes unseverable bonds with his teammates who are all idiots, and their coach who knows nothing about cooking.
Hyuuga is the (un)cool, calm, and collected team captain of Seirin High’s basketball team. His interests, aside from basketball, include collecting figures of samurai. He’s not one to tolerate stupidity, but is someone you can carry a decent conversation with because of his friendly and mature demeanor. However, he isn’t always nice: he has a second personality—referred to as his “Clutch” personality—that comes out when he gets very annoyed or pressured. He becomes impatient, arrogant, rude, and starts threatening people for the shallowest of reasons. He may be very responsible and can perform well under a lot of stress, but one thing he can’t handle is the team’s terrifying coach.
Sample Entry:
Tell us about yourself in a few words.
My name’s Junpei Hyuuga. I’m seventeen years old, and I’m a second year student at Seirin High. I’m the captain of the school’s basketball team, and I play as a shooting guard.
That's all.
Why are you joining our happy community?
My team is here, and what kind of captain would I be if I didn’t train here with them? But I think a better way of saying that is the captain always goes down with the ship. So, I’m joining your “happy” community because our coach would kill me if I didn’t show up.
… Actually, can I just back out and not join at all?
Can you swim? Y/N
Our team actually trains in a pool sometimes, because it helps build our stamina and strengthen our muscles. Our training usually includes running or walking in the pool as fast as we can, but I can swim too.
- Could you still do it under extreme distress? Y/N
What kind of distress are we talking about, here? If it’s a coach yelling at your ear about how fast you should be running while on water or else she’ll break your Sanada Yukimura figure, then my answer is yes. That figure was really expensive, you know!
-- While dragging someone else to shore? Y/N
Is this a follow-up to the question about being able to swim, or the one about distress? If it’s swimming while dragging someone else to shore, then I can do that. I'd help out whoever's in need.
If it’s about swimming under extreme distress, while dragging someone else to shore... wait- isn’t dragging someone else to shore already distressing? Whatever, the answer’s yes.
--- While something, let’s say a tentacle, tries to drag you under? Y/N
Can these follow-up questions be more specific? I'm sure I can’t swim with a tentacle trying to drag me under. How would I be able to use my legs in the first place if I’m being pulled down? And why would I be the target and not the person I'm dragging? I need more details to answer a question properly, and all of this is getting on my nerves.
So, tell me. Who came up with these stupid questions, anyway, huh?! Get them out here so I can put some sense into them and kill them! Why the heck would there be tentacles? No one would be able to swim some place deep enough where giant octopi are, dumbass!
---- How would you handle that situation?
Who do you think you’re talking to? I’m the team captain of a high school basketball team! I wouldn’t handle a dumb situation like this! In fact, I don’t think I’ll even be experiencing something like that in a Camp like this!
Heh! I bet I got you bastards all outsmarted. I’m not a dimwit who’d believe tentacles can just grab me out of nowhere in a basketball training camp.
Character: Tomoko Nozama
Series: Kamen Rider Fourze
Age: ~16
Canon: At Amanogawa High School, monsters known as Zodiarts torment the staff and students alike. Zodiarts tap into the infinite powers of space to garner their revenge against their peers and wreak havoc around the school. Only by using the Fourze belt can anyone fight against them, and the person who took up this challenge is a rowdy transfer student whose only goal in life is to befriend everyone he sees. If that means beating up a monster first, he'll do it - and then he'll befriend the monster, too. Armed with a team of mismatched schoolkids, Kamen Rider Fourze is going to do his best to fight his way to the top and defeat the evil school chairman, responsible for all of this mess.
Tomoko Nozama isn't the average high school sophomore. Described - often - as being dark, twisted, creepy and strange, Tomoko delights in witchcraft and the occult and seemingly in terrifying the people around her. She's also something of a psychic, with the ability to read thoughts and energy, further distancing her from her peers. Tomoko is fairly kind, though occasionally blunt, and does try in her own special way to be helpful. Unfortunately for her new friends, that usually involves either natto or casting curses on them.
Sample Post:
Tell us about yourself in a few words:
Oh, were you serious about talking to me? Most people aren't. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. It happens, I know. Besides, you’re afraid of being cursed. Even while thinking something like, That creepy girl belongs in a well, you still came over to fill out this survey with me. How dedicated you are. And besides that, I'm a little flattered, too.
My name is Tomoko and I'm still in high school. As for hobbies, I like the occult. Hm, I guess I don't have anything else to say right now. Shall we move on?
Why are you joining our happy community?
"Happy"? So you can say that with a straight face, even after listening to all of the screaming coming from the cabins. You must be pretty twisted too.
I'm not here for any special reason. Try not to be too disappointed with that answer. A letter came in the mail saying that this Camp Fuck You Die is a terrible and wretched place, full of dark power and wicked curses. I liked the way that sounded, so I decided to ignore all the warnings and come to see it for myself. If I had to have a reason other than my own curiosity, I suppose it's that I simply wanted to come. That’s not the same thing at all.
Would you be able to dispose of the flesh of the undead? How?
Ah, if it's only the flesh you want to get rid of, then what’s so wrong with boiling it away? Afterwards, you can bleach the bones and set them up on display. Imagine the way the path through the woods would look with pristine white skeletons swinging from the trees. There, just now - you shivered. I saw it. Bones like that will certainly look more terrifying than the obviously out of place toucans you already have in the treetops. The gorillas look problematic too, but there’s nothing wrong with that. If they don’t want to change the way they look, then they shouldn’t have to just to please me. I suppose they're frightening enough with their tremendous size and breadth. Besides, their being such a strange color is thrilling.
What sort of monster or "fictitious" creature would you like to see here at camp?
What an alarming sort of question that is. There are all kinds of monsters out there, after all. Gorgons could turn people into stone just by looking at them, so that’s an incredible power to witness. There are all sorts of stories about monsters that prowl at night and consume children whole, too. Some of them might even take place in areas like this one. Mm... I suppose all the spirits that try to lure others to their death so their bodies and lives can be stolen are interesting as well.
... Really, any of those would do. Bring all of them, if that's what you're looking into. I'll look around to see I don't miss what you've chosen.
Character: Koyomi
Series: Kamen Rider Wizard
Character Age: ~17
Canon: When you feel you'll fall into despair, the so-called Wizard Souma Haruto is there to be your final hope. Armed with the Wizard Rings, he sets off to find Gates, a special type of people who possess magical energy. When a Gate loses that which supports their heart -- a memory, an object, or a person -- they will die and give birth to a monster called a Phantom. Assisting in Haruto's quest to destroy the Phantoms and save the Gates are a motley crew of those he saved, a wizened old ringsmith, and a somewhat mysterious young girl with the ability to find Gates and to see Phantoms disguised as their former human selves. Haruto, along with his comrades, search for and fight the Phantoms with the desire of showing people that even in the darkness of regret, sadness, and desperation, the light of hope will always shine bright.
Koyomi is somewhat special in that she is what is assumed to be a leftover Gate from when a Phantom birth went somehow wrong: her memories from before meeting Haruto, her hopes, and her life were stolen from her. In essence, she is an animated corpse who requires Haruto's magical energy to survive. Perhaps because she knows how reliant she is on Haruto, Koyomi is utterly devoted to him and in spite of her physical limitations she supports him as much as she possibly can, whether it's revealing hidden Phantoms or finding magic stones from which new Wizard Rings can be made. She is usually calm, quiet, and well-spoken, but she will not hesitate to dish out a harsh word to those whom she thinks deserve it. At times, she can be quite stubborn and apprehensive towards people. Although she is grateful to Haruto, she worries that she is causing him more trouble and weakening him by taking his magical energy. Beneath a sometimes cold exterior, Koyomi is a young lady who is frightened of being rejected by people, and losing that which she holds most dear again.
Note: "Garu-chan" is what Koyomi calls Garuda, a bird-like familiar that is used for recon purposes.
Sample Entry:
Tell us about yourself in a few words.
Hello. My name is Koyomi and I both live and work at the Omokagedou Antique Shop. Oh, you've never heard of it? I suppose it is rather small and out of the way . . . we don't have many visitors, let alone paying customers. Your Camp seems far more secluded than our shop, though; I have never heard of it before. You can't have done very much advertising. It's a shame, your village is quite lovely.
Why are you joining our happy community?
I had followed Garu-chan thinking he had found another . . . well, thinking he had found something important, but I lost him near the mouth of the cave when I saw something big and purple going into the forest just off the path. I don't plan on staying, the others will worry if I'm not back soon. I'm not quite sure how far I walked to get here, but I should be able to return home as soon as I find what I lost. I hope he hasn't run out of energy already; he was just recharged before I left. Have you seen a small, red robot-like bird in the area?
Do you think you are good in a crisis? Why?
It's rude not to answer questions, you know! Nevermind, I'll look for him later.
Yes, I do think I am. I don't mean to boast, but I have been told I'm good at keeping a clear and level head during emergency situations. I'm able to remain calm and think rationally so as to help find a solution to the problem at hand. It does depend on the situation, I think; I don't know if I would be able to do it if I were--tired, or up against a pack of hungry animals I couldn't fight off on my own.
Do you believe in magic? Why or why not?
Of course! Magical energy is what allows m--Garu-chan and the others like him to move around. Just because magic is no longer common or well-know doesn't mean it no longer exists. Too many people reject or disbelieve in things they haven't seen for themselves, writing it off as a wild imagination or a silly trick.
What are your thoughts on the undead?
I apologize, but I won't answer that question. I think we're quite done here. I fll be leaving now--Oh! There he is.
Character: Souma Haruto
Series: Kamen Rider Wizard
Character Age: ~23
Job: Professor of Donuts Against the Dark Arts
Canon: During a solar eclipse, a ritual was held in which humans with higher than normal amounts of magical energy inside of them, known as Gates, were gathered into one place. Once there, they were driven to utter despair in order to birth monsters called Phantoms from the magic inside their bodies. However, not all proceeded as planned. Two people managed to escape this fate and were given the task of protecting humanity by the mysterious White Mage. He left behind a transformation belt and a few parting words to them both, telling them that their only path was to fight against Phantoms and ensure that no new ones are born.
One of these survivors is Souma Haruto, the owner of said transformation belt. This belt allows him to transform into Kamen Rider Wizard, whose catchphrase is “It’s showtime”. He's a bit cocky and usually thinks that he knows best or better than the people around him. He’s also a tad playful and enjoys using his spells on other people for small pranks. He’s the type of guy you can count on because he’s straightforward and true to himself no matter what. He honestly believes that he can be the final hope to everyone he meets. It's this faith in himself that gets him through many trials and tribulations, and his strength is only outmatched by his kindness. Need a mage? Then he's your guy to call. But be sure to bring some plain sugar donuts because he’s got a fixation on them. Remember: plain sugar only. Any other flavour is vetoed.
Sample Entry:
Tell us about yourself in a few words.
Oh? Is it showtime already? Then let's get started; I'm Souma Haruto and I’m a mage. Now before you get started, I’m not Harry Potter or any sort of ripoff of him. In fact, I’m apparently some sort of professor for this camp now. It’s not something I signed up for, but let’s talk a little more about me instead. My dream for now is to defeat monsters. I also like plain sugar donuts and short walks on the beach. Well, I guess that last part isn't really true. Maybe I should change it to something else. What do you even put down for something like this anyway? Eh, let's just keep it the way it is.
Why are you joining our happy community?
I just said it, didn’t I? I’m now your Professor of Donuts Against the Dark Arts. I’ve always believed donuts were magic and this is just the way to prove it. So don’t worry about anything, I’m here to show you how to make that magic happen. Lessons start Monday, I'll be waiting for you right by this sign here . . .
Camp Fuck You Die, huh? Does the comma come before the 'you' or the 'die'?
What do you expect from the campers here?
First, I expect them to know how to make donuts and if they can’t then they should learn. If I have to, I’ll use my position as professor to make them learn. I’m not even talking about the fancy ones with the jelly filling or chocolate mousse. I’m talking about plain sugar donuts. This is non-negotiable. Plain splenda donuts just don’t have the same taste, okay?
Next question, please.
Do you consider yourself squeamish? Please provide an example.
That depends on the example. For instance, the monsters dragging their limbs around while moaning about brains! I find them a bit strange, but it’s not the strangest or even most nauseating thing I’ve seen. But do I get squeamish at the sight of mayonnaise on a plain sugar donut? Yes. I’m pretty sure doing that goes against everything good and holy in this world.
Do you find these questions increasingly unnerving? Why/Why not?
This kind of feels like the time I got arrested. I had this cop ask me dozens of questions, which just ended up distracting me from the real problem, and that was the monster in the actual police station pretending to be human. The more you know. So, are you sure you want me to finish this survey? Or should I get my belt out now in preparation for monsters?
If there was a good dog and a criminal both hanging from a cliff and you could only save one, which would you save and why?
I’m pretty sure this is a choose one and not both question, but I’m a mage and anything’s possible where I’m concerned. So I’d use a spell to save them both. Why? Because they both have a right to live. For all you know, the criminal could turn away from a life of crime after escaping death’s jaws.
Do you have any deep personal traumas you might inexplicably be compelled to share in this questionnaire? Please describe.
That’s actually a pretty long story with at least three parts to it. I think I’ll end this showtime for now and leave you hanging for a bit. I’ve got to keep something for later, after all.
Character: Lance Corporal Rivaille
Series: Shingeki no Kyojin (Attack on Titan)
Character Age: Unknown (20-something?)
Job: Janitor
Canon: In Attack on Titan, humans are no longer on top of the food chain. Many years ago, the titans appeared: giants whose only hobby seems to be snacking on humans. Horrific, but manageable—as large as they were, none possessed the capability to breach humanity's towering walls... until the impossibly huge "Colossal" titan appeared, that is. The outermost wall was soon breached, and humanity was forced to remember the terror of the titans. Only the bravest among them sought to join the Scouting Legion, the branch of the military that engages the titans beyond the wall in the hopes of someday learning their secrets. It's an extremely dangerous job and few survive the expeditions beyond the walls.
One of the most senior members of the Scouting Legion is Lance Corporal Rivaille. Widely regarded as the greatest soldier humanity has to offer, he is said to be worth a hundred other men. However, the man behind the legend is not what one might expect. He's surprisingly small for someone so powerful, and while he's not very physically imposing, he's extremely blunt and often rude. Rumor has it that he was once an underground criminal—this would certainly explain his frequent use of vulgarity, but despite his alleged past as a rogue, he places a high value on human life and the command structure and seems to have complete trust in his commander. He's fully aware of his capability as a soldier, but having lost countless comrades to titans, he takes their threat very seriously and is far from reckless. One of his most noticeable traits is his OCD-like behavior towards cleanliness. Slicing up titans is a dirty job, and he's known to occasionally stop to wipe the gore from his blades in battle. On the surface, he's almost perpetually calm and aloof, despite some of the terrible things that come out of his mouth; beyond that, much of him remains a mystery.
Sample Entry:
Tell us about yourself in a few words.
What a dumb, vague question. How about you tell me some things first? You've got a nice, conveniently-impenetrable barrier set up here. I would very much like to know where you have the mad scientist who concocted that thing hidden. You see, where I come from, something like that could be put to a better use than keeping a bunch of dipshit kids from wandering into the forest and getting eaten by bears. Also, you seem to have quite a few residents who are in dire need of medical attention. Clearly this is not a major concern of yours. Perhaps I could convince you pigs to pay closer attention somehow?
Why are you joining our happy community?
Oh, I came here on vacation. You know, the kind of vacation where it's mandatory, and you don't get to choose where you go, and you're greeted by a couple of colorful apes who immediately try to tear your clothes off, and then when you decide you've had enough and you have far more important things to do, it's too bad because it's pretty clear no one's leaving. In other words, it's because you have a magic wall and I'm not a fucking wizard.
What is your job here at CFUD? What do you think that means?
Janitor. Any idiot could tell you what that means, but I'll elaborate. First, it means whoever's in charge has a sense of humor. Second, it means the person I'm replacing did a shitty job. Cleaning up after a bunch of dirty campers is not a job for some slacker. Who knows what these brats have been rolling in? That's a rhetorical question, for the record. Don't even tell me.
Do you think you are good in a crisis? Why?
I'm here, aren't I? Those who aren't good in a crisis don't last long. Though I'm not sure what constitutes a "crisis" here. Mess hall ran out of mashed potatoes? Not a crisis. Bad case of poison ivy? Also not a crisis. Someone accidentally shoots himself in the face? Now we have the beginnings of a crisis. But even then, it's your own goddamn fault for handing out guns to kids, isn't it? Deal with it.
Do you have a five year plan in mind?
Live. No way to know if that'll work out. Always assumed I'd go out fighting, but here it seems more likely that I'd die of dysentery or something. Ever wonder what it'd be like to shit yourself to death? I think I'd rather be eaten.
Do you consider yourself squeamish? Please provide an example.
Yes. An example? Consider this gentleman to my right. Not only is he...oozing something that I imagine could kill a man, this smell is downright unacceptable. The things that I have smelled... I guess what I'm saying is that it takes hard work and dedication to achieve a stench of this magnitude. Anyone who's exposed to this poor bastard and then claims to be undisturbed by his sheer existence is a fucking liar.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Character: Alphonse Elric
Series: Fullmetal Alchemist (manga)
Character Age: 14
Canon: Fullmetal Alchemist is a heart-punching exercise in brotherly codependency, bitter irony, and body horrors. In a world where alchemy is more than just wishful thinking, two young brothers use the scientific art to commit one of its ultimate taboos—"transmuting" (that is, using alchemy to modify the body or soul of) a human being. Trying to bring their mother back from the dead costs Edward Elric an arm and a leg, and his brother, Alphonse, an entire body. The series starts four years after this failed attempt, and follows them as they search for the Philosopher's Stone, a legendary source of power that might be the key to regaining their original bodies.
Alphonse is the younger of the two brothers, although his maturity and mother henning often leads people to assume otherwise. Despite the fact that he now exists only as a soul bound to an antique suit of armor that is unable to feel, eat, or sleep, he tries to stay upbeat and optimistic, and is always friendly and ready to help friends and strangers (and stray animals) alike. Al is generally seen as endlessly kindhearted, polite, and patient, but he can get indignant about some things (his large size is a bit of a sore spot), and isn't afraid to assert himself, or even get violent, if he has to. Although his real age shows in his naive attempts at pacifism, he knows a good menacing knuckle-cracking—from a 7 foot tall suit of armor, natch—might be just what you need to get the job done.
Notes: Because human transmutation is illegal, Alphonse has to keep the fact that there's no body inside his armor a secret. He's being taken from around chapter 72, before his soul starts to try to detach itself.
Sample post:
What is your job here at CFUD? What do you think that means?
I keep telling you, I'm not a counselor. This armor just makes me seem big! Really, your men wouldn't stop trying to get me to sign these forms... I tried to tell them there was a misunderstanding, but they just wouldn't listen. Although I guess it was nice that they gave me options to choose from. Mm, let's see. Official watering can, official paperweight, official doorstop... Ah, that's mean! Then again, those jobs would be pretty easy, wouldn't they? —What am I saying? I'm not doing any of these! That's child labor, you know. I wouldn't want you to get into any trouble.
Tell us about yourself in a few words.
Oh! How many is "a few"? This feels so official. My name is Alphonse Elric, age 14! And that's why I can't be a counselor. But I think I'm good with kids, so I'd still like to help out. Since this is a summer camp, I bet it gets hectic, and I have experience wrangling stubborn people. Really, if I can get my brother to drink milk, I can handle most things. He bites.
Why are you joining our happy community?
The truth is I was in the middle of something else, and I sort of ended up here on accident, so I didn't have a choice. —Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude! I'm sure I'll get used to it. Really, as long as you have a library, I'm happy! It's pretty here, too. I've never seen the ocean before, so this is really nice. I just hope I don't rust.
Do you have any deep personal traumas you might inexplicably be compelled to share in this interview?
Umm... I think I'll pass.
Have you committed any crimes you were or should have been convicted of?
... Pass!
Are you lying on your previous answer?
These questions make me seem so shady! Sorry, do you think we could we change the subject...?
Do you have a five year plan in mind?
I can't really talk about that, either, but—Once things settle down, I'd like a pet kitten. Maybe even two or three! We've been on the road a lot, so I'm not allowed to keep the ones I find. I know it seems silly compared to all the other things people plan for, but they're so cute...! I wonder if there are any around here. If they need a good home, it's okay to adopt one, isn't it? Just for a little while! And we don’t have to tell my brother, right? ... Right!
What’s your most distinguishing feature?
My personality! ... Is what I'd like to say, but it's the armor, isn't it... I guess it can't be helped. But I promise I'm not as scary as it makes me look! Then again, if these crows keep trying to use me as a nest, that might stand out even more than this does. I've heard they like shiny objects, but this seems a bit extreme.
Poll #13337 Vote!
Open to: Access List, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 34
In or out?
Character: Elena Gilbert
Series: The Vampire Diaries
Character Age: 17
Canon: The Vampire Diaries begins as a TV show about the supernatural world lurking just beneath the mundane skin of Mystic Falls, Virginia. Vampires, witches, werewolves, hybrids, self-styled gods and ghosts - every possible way the dead can still be present and wreaking havoc, they are. The series grows in geographical scope as its mythology and catalogue of monsters expands, but somehow always comes back around to the sleepy little Southern town.
The series' main protagonist is Elena Gilbert, a seemingly normal teenage girl struggling to deal with the recent deaths of both her parents and to reconnect with the world. After being orphaned Elena balances between the practical, snarky, fun-loving teenager she used to be and the new gravity and perspective grief has instilled in her. She loves deeply and recklessly and will give up her own life in a heartbeat to protect others. Coping only gets more complicated with time as she realizes there is nothing normal - or safe - about her life. Transported to camp just before the bloody ritual sacrifice that was, in some people's opinion, the entire point of her existence, Elena has everything at stake back home - and everything to lose by returning.
Sample:
Tell us about yourself in a few words.
Wow. Uh. I feel like I'm auditioning. For, I guess, kidnap? Hi, fellow citizens! My name is Elena Gilbert. I'm still in school, I live - lived - in Mystic Falls, I used to want to be a writer...I don't bite. If I do bite, I'm not actually me and you should leave immediately, get on vervaine, and avoid her as much as possible. Seriously, she's bad news, and I'd like to know if she's here.
Why are you joining our happy community?
Unwillingly? I feel like I need to point that out. Sure, most of you would probably guess but something about how chirpy this question sounds...either chirpy or bitter. Who wrote this questionnaire? Victims, or megalomaniac?
If you could choose to bring three objects to a desert island, what would you bring and why?
A good book, a stake, and my best friends. The first because desert islands sound boring, the second just because of my life, and the third because I have faith Caroline would organize the whole barren wilderness into fruitful submission and...well, I always need my bestie, right? In the hypothetical sense wherein I am not consigning Bonnie or Caroline to an impromptu round of Lord of the Flies.
Why are you a valuable asset to this camp?
In a sick and twisted game of life, death and humiliation experiments, I can safely say I have experience points. So just for the sake of a hypothetical argument, if you were looking for people who'd live long enough for you to really get your twisted jollies off...good choice?
What do you expect from the counselors?
No idea, but I really hope there isn't an army of Stepford babysitters waiting to make me do Arts and Crafts. There's cruel and unusual and then there's just...mean. I mean, not that I don't prefer safety scissors to a grisly death or dismemberment or...I'll stop. I'll stop talking now.
Do you think you are good in a crisis? Why?
I'm good at surviving them so far, mostly through pure luck, desperation and a lot of people who love me more than I deserve. I don't have a good answer for this question, sorry - I'm sorry. I like to think I've got some practice at not panicking when faced with dire straits. (Oh god, please don't take that as a challenge.)
Poll #13338 Vote!
Open to: Access List, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 32
In or out?
Character: Junpei Hyuuga
Series: Kuroko's Basketball
Character Age: 17
Canon: Kuroko’s Basketball is about a boy named Kuroko Tetsuya, and his adventures in the high school basketball scene. Upon graduating from middle school, he enters Seirin High and joins the school’s newly found basketball club. It’s there where he further develops his style of play; goes against his former middle school teammates; and makes unseverable bonds with his teammates who are all idiots, and their coach who knows nothing about cooking.
Hyuuga is the (un)cool, calm, and collected team captain of Seirin High’s basketball team. His interests, aside from basketball, include collecting figures of samurai. He’s not one to tolerate stupidity, but is someone you can carry a decent conversation with because of his friendly and mature demeanor. However, he isn’t always nice: he has a second personality—referred to as his “Clutch” personality—that comes out when he gets very annoyed or pressured. He becomes impatient, arrogant, rude, and starts threatening people for the shallowest of reasons. He may be very responsible and can perform well under a lot of stress, but one thing he can’t handle is the team’s terrifying coach.
Sample Entry:
Tell us about yourself in a few words.
My name’s Junpei Hyuuga. I’m seventeen years old, and I’m a second year student at Seirin High. I’m the captain of the school’s basketball team, and I play as a shooting guard.
That's all.
Why are you joining our happy community?
My team is here, and what kind of captain would I be if I didn’t train here with them? But I think a better way of saying that is the captain always goes down with the ship. So, I’m joining your “happy” community because our coach would kill me if I didn’t show up.
… Actually, can I just back out and not join at all?
Can you swim? Y/N
Our team actually trains in a pool sometimes, because it helps build our stamina and strengthen our muscles. Our training usually includes running or walking in the pool as fast as we can, but I can swim too.
- Could you still do it under extreme distress? Y/N
What kind of distress are we talking about, here? If it’s a coach yelling at your ear about how fast you should be running while on water or else she’ll break your Sanada Yukimura figure, then my answer is yes. That figure was really expensive, you know!
-- While dragging someone else to shore? Y/N
Is this a follow-up to the question about being able to swim, or the one about distress? If it’s swimming while dragging someone else to shore, then I can do that. I'd help out whoever's in need.
If it’s about swimming under extreme distress, while dragging someone else to shore... wait- isn’t dragging someone else to shore already distressing? Whatever, the answer’s yes.
--- While something, let’s say a tentacle, tries to drag you under? Y/N
Can these follow-up questions be more specific? I'm sure I can’t swim with a tentacle trying to drag me under. How would I be able to use my legs in the first place if I’m being pulled down? And why would I be the target and not the person I'm dragging? I need more details to answer a question properly, and all of this is getting on my nerves.
So, tell me. Who came up with these stupid questions, anyway, huh?! Get them out here so I can put some sense into them and kill them! Why the heck would there be tentacles? No one would be able to swim some place deep enough where giant octopi are, dumbass!
---- How would you handle that situation?
Who do you think you’re talking to? I’m the team captain of a high school basketball team! I wouldn’t handle a dumb situation like this! In fact, I don’t think I’ll even be experiencing something like that in a Camp like this!
Heh! I bet I got you bastards all outsmarted. I’m not a dimwit who’d believe tentacles can just grab me out of nowhere in a basketball training camp.
Poll #13339 Vote!
Open to: Access List, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 32
In or out?
Character: Tomoko Nozama
Series: Kamen Rider Fourze
Age: ~16
Canon: At Amanogawa High School, monsters known as Zodiarts torment the staff and students alike. Zodiarts tap into the infinite powers of space to garner their revenge against their peers and wreak havoc around the school. Only by using the Fourze belt can anyone fight against them, and the person who took up this challenge is a rowdy transfer student whose only goal in life is to befriend everyone he sees. If that means beating up a monster first, he'll do it - and then he'll befriend the monster, too. Armed with a team of mismatched schoolkids, Kamen Rider Fourze is going to do his best to fight his way to the top and defeat the evil school chairman, responsible for all of this mess.
Tomoko Nozama isn't the average high school sophomore. Described - often - as being dark, twisted, creepy and strange, Tomoko delights in witchcraft and the occult and seemingly in terrifying the people around her. She's also something of a psychic, with the ability to read thoughts and energy, further distancing her from her peers. Tomoko is fairly kind, though occasionally blunt, and does try in her own special way to be helpful. Unfortunately for her new friends, that usually involves either natto or casting curses on them.
Sample Post:
Tell us about yourself in a few words:
Oh, were you serious about talking to me? Most people aren't. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. It happens, I know. Besides, you’re afraid of being cursed. Even while thinking something like, That creepy girl belongs in a well, you still came over to fill out this survey with me. How dedicated you are. And besides that, I'm a little flattered, too.
My name is Tomoko and I'm still in high school. As for hobbies, I like the occult. Hm, I guess I don't have anything else to say right now. Shall we move on?
Why are you joining our happy community?
"Happy"? So you can say that with a straight face, even after listening to all of the screaming coming from the cabins. You must be pretty twisted too.
I'm not here for any special reason. Try not to be too disappointed with that answer. A letter came in the mail saying that this Camp Fuck You Die is a terrible and wretched place, full of dark power and wicked curses. I liked the way that sounded, so I decided to ignore all the warnings and come to see it for myself. If I had to have a reason other than my own curiosity, I suppose it's that I simply wanted to come. That’s not the same thing at all.
Would you be able to dispose of the flesh of the undead? How?
Ah, if it's only the flesh you want to get rid of, then what’s so wrong with boiling it away? Afterwards, you can bleach the bones and set them up on display. Imagine the way the path through the woods would look with pristine white skeletons swinging from the trees. There, just now - you shivered. I saw it. Bones like that will certainly look more terrifying than the obviously out of place toucans you already have in the treetops. The gorillas look problematic too, but there’s nothing wrong with that. If they don’t want to change the way they look, then they shouldn’t have to just to please me. I suppose they're frightening enough with their tremendous size and breadth. Besides, their being such a strange color is thrilling.
What sort of monster or "fictitious" creature would you like to see here at camp?
What an alarming sort of question that is. There are all kinds of monsters out there, after all. Gorgons could turn people into stone just by looking at them, so that’s an incredible power to witness. There are all sorts of stories about monsters that prowl at night and consume children whole, too. Some of them might even take place in areas like this one. Mm... I suppose all the spirits that try to lure others to their death so their bodies and lives can be stolen are interesting as well.
... Really, any of those would do. Bring all of them, if that's what you're looking into. I'll look around to see I don't miss what you've chosen.
Poll #13340 Vote!
Open to: Access List, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 33
In or out?
Character: Koyomi
Series: Kamen Rider Wizard
Character Age: ~17
Canon: When you feel you'll fall into despair, the so-called Wizard Souma Haruto is there to be your final hope. Armed with the Wizard Rings, he sets off to find Gates, a special type of people who possess magical energy. When a Gate loses that which supports their heart -- a memory, an object, or a person -- they will die and give birth to a monster called a Phantom. Assisting in Haruto's quest to destroy the Phantoms and save the Gates are a motley crew of those he saved, a wizened old ringsmith, and a somewhat mysterious young girl with the ability to find Gates and to see Phantoms disguised as their former human selves. Haruto, along with his comrades, search for and fight the Phantoms with the desire of showing people that even in the darkness of regret, sadness, and desperation, the light of hope will always shine bright.
Koyomi is somewhat special in that she is what is assumed to be a leftover Gate from when a Phantom birth went somehow wrong: her memories from before meeting Haruto, her hopes, and her life were stolen from her. In essence, she is an animated corpse who requires Haruto's magical energy to survive. Perhaps because she knows how reliant she is on Haruto, Koyomi is utterly devoted to him and in spite of her physical limitations she supports him as much as she possibly can, whether it's revealing hidden Phantoms or finding magic stones from which new Wizard Rings can be made. She is usually calm, quiet, and well-spoken, but she will not hesitate to dish out a harsh word to those whom she thinks deserve it. At times, she can be quite stubborn and apprehensive towards people. Although she is grateful to Haruto, she worries that she is causing him more trouble and weakening him by taking his magical energy. Beneath a sometimes cold exterior, Koyomi is a young lady who is frightened of being rejected by people, and losing that which she holds most dear again.
Note: "Garu-chan" is what Koyomi calls Garuda, a bird-like familiar that is used for recon purposes.
Sample Entry:
Tell us about yourself in a few words.
Hello. My name is Koyomi and I both live and work at the Omokagedou Antique Shop. Oh, you've never heard of it? I suppose it is rather small and out of the way . . . we don't have many visitors, let alone paying customers. Your Camp seems far more secluded than our shop, though; I have never heard of it before. You can't have done very much advertising. It's a shame, your village is quite lovely.
Why are you joining our happy community?
I had followed Garu-chan thinking he had found another . . . well, thinking he had found something important, but I lost him near the mouth of the cave when I saw something big and purple going into the forest just off the path. I don't plan on staying, the others will worry if I'm not back soon. I'm not quite sure how far I walked to get here, but I should be able to return home as soon as I find what I lost. I hope he hasn't run out of energy already; he was just recharged before I left. Have you seen a small, red robot-like bird in the area?
Do you think you are good in a crisis? Why?
It's rude not to answer questions, you know! Nevermind, I'll look for him later.
Yes, I do think I am. I don't mean to boast, but I have been told I'm good at keeping a clear and level head during emergency situations. I'm able to remain calm and think rationally so as to help find a solution to the problem at hand. It does depend on the situation, I think; I don't know if I would be able to do it if I were--tired, or up against a pack of hungry animals I couldn't fight off on my own.
Do you believe in magic? Why or why not?
Of course! Magical energy is what allows m--Garu-chan and the others like him to move around. Just because magic is no longer common or well-know doesn't mean it no longer exists. Too many people reject or disbelieve in things they haven't seen for themselves, writing it off as a wild imagination or a silly trick.
What are your thoughts on the undead?
I apologize, but I won't answer that question. I think we're quite done here. I fll be leaving now--Oh! There he is.
Poll #13341 Vote!
Open to: Access List, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 26
In or out?
Character: Souma Haruto
Series: Kamen Rider Wizard
Character Age: ~23
Job: Professor of Donuts Against the Dark Arts
Canon: During a solar eclipse, a ritual was held in which humans with higher than normal amounts of magical energy inside of them, known as Gates, were gathered into one place. Once there, they were driven to utter despair in order to birth monsters called Phantoms from the magic inside their bodies. However, not all proceeded as planned. Two people managed to escape this fate and were given the task of protecting humanity by the mysterious White Mage. He left behind a transformation belt and a few parting words to them both, telling them that their only path was to fight against Phantoms and ensure that no new ones are born.
One of these survivors is Souma Haruto, the owner of said transformation belt. This belt allows him to transform into Kamen Rider Wizard, whose catchphrase is “It’s showtime”. He's a bit cocky and usually thinks that he knows best or better than the people around him. He’s also a tad playful and enjoys using his spells on other people for small pranks. He’s the type of guy you can count on because he’s straightforward and true to himself no matter what. He honestly believes that he can be the final hope to everyone he meets. It's this faith in himself that gets him through many trials and tribulations, and his strength is only outmatched by his kindness. Need a mage? Then he's your guy to call. But be sure to bring some plain sugar donuts because he’s got a fixation on them. Remember: plain sugar only. Any other flavour is vetoed.
Sample Entry:
Tell us about yourself in a few words.
Oh? Is it showtime already? Then let's get started; I'm Souma Haruto and I’m a mage. Now before you get started, I’m not Harry Potter or any sort of ripoff of him. In fact, I’m apparently some sort of professor for this camp now. It’s not something I signed up for, but let’s talk a little more about me instead. My dream for now is to defeat monsters. I also like plain sugar donuts and short walks on the beach. Well, I guess that last part isn't really true. Maybe I should change it to something else. What do you even put down for something like this anyway? Eh, let's just keep it the way it is.
Why are you joining our happy community?
I just said it, didn’t I? I’m now your Professor of Donuts Against the Dark Arts. I’ve always believed donuts were magic and this is just the way to prove it. So don’t worry about anything, I’m here to show you how to make that magic happen. Lessons start Monday, I'll be waiting for you right by this sign here . . .
Camp Fuck You Die, huh? Does the comma come before the 'you' or the 'die'?
What do you expect from the campers here?
First, I expect them to know how to make donuts and if they can’t then they should learn. If I have to, I’ll use my position as professor to make them learn. I’m not even talking about the fancy ones with the jelly filling or chocolate mousse. I’m talking about plain sugar donuts. This is non-negotiable. Plain splenda donuts just don’t have the same taste, okay?
Next question, please.
Do you consider yourself squeamish? Please provide an example.
That depends on the example. For instance, the monsters dragging their limbs around while moaning about brains! I find them a bit strange, but it’s not the strangest or even most nauseating thing I’ve seen. But do I get squeamish at the sight of mayonnaise on a plain sugar donut? Yes. I’m pretty sure doing that goes against everything good and holy in this world.
Do you find these questions increasingly unnerving? Why/Why not?
This kind of feels like the time I got arrested. I had this cop ask me dozens of questions, which just ended up distracting me from the real problem, and that was the monster in the actual police station pretending to be human. The more you know. So, are you sure you want me to finish this survey? Or should I get my belt out now in preparation for monsters?
If there was a good dog and a criminal both hanging from a cliff and you could only save one, which would you save and why?
I’m pretty sure this is a choose one and not both question, but I’m a mage and anything’s possible where I’m concerned. So I’d use a spell to save them both. Why? Because they both have a right to live. For all you know, the criminal could turn away from a life of crime after escaping death’s jaws.
Do you have any deep personal traumas you might inexplicably be compelled to share in this questionnaire? Please describe.
That’s actually a pretty long story with at least three parts to it. I think I’ll end this showtime for now and leave you hanging for a bit. I’ve got to keep something for later, after all.
Poll #13342 Vote!
Open to: Access List, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 26
In or out?
Character: Lance Corporal Rivaille
Series: Shingeki no Kyojin (Attack on Titan)
Character Age: Unknown (20-something?)
Job: Janitor
Canon: In Attack on Titan, humans are no longer on top of the food chain. Many years ago, the titans appeared: giants whose only hobby seems to be snacking on humans. Horrific, but manageable—as large as they were, none possessed the capability to breach humanity's towering walls... until the impossibly huge "Colossal" titan appeared, that is. The outermost wall was soon breached, and humanity was forced to remember the terror of the titans. Only the bravest among them sought to join the Scouting Legion, the branch of the military that engages the titans beyond the wall in the hopes of someday learning their secrets. It's an extremely dangerous job and few survive the expeditions beyond the walls.
One of the most senior members of the Scouting Legion is Lance Corporal Rivaille. Widely regarded as the greatest soldier humanity has to offer, he is said to be worth a hundred other men. However, the man behind the legend is not what one might expect. He's surprisingly small for someone so powerful, and while he's not very physically imposing, he's extremely blunt and often rude. Rumor has it that he was once an underground criminal—this would certainly explain his frequent use of vulgarity, but despite his alleged past as a rogue, he places a high value on human life and the command structure and seems to have complete trust in his commander. He's fully aware of his capability as a soldier, but having lost countless comrades to titans, he takes their threat very seriously and is far from reckless. One of his most noticeable traits is his OCD-like behavior towards cleanliness. Slicing up titans is a dirty job, and he's known to occasionally stop to wipe the gore from his blades in battle. On the surface, he's almost perpetually calm and aloof, despite some of the terrible things that come out of his mouth; beyond that, much of him remains a mystery.
Sample Entry:
Tell us about yourself in a few words.
What a dumb, vague question. How about you tell me some things first? You've got a nice, conveniently-impenetrable barrier set up here. I would very much like to know where you have the mad scientist who concocted that thing hidden. You see, where I come from, something like that could be put to a better use than keeping a bunch of dipshit kids from wandering into the forest and getting eaten by bears. Also, you seem to have quite a few residents who are in dire need of medical attention. Clearly this is not a major concern of yours. Perhaps I could convince you pigs to pay closer attention somehow?
Why are you joining our happy community?
Oh, I came here on vacation. You know, the kind of vacation where it's mandatory, and you don't get to choose where you go, and you're greeted by a couple of colorful apes who immediately try to tear your clothes off, and then when you decide you've had enough and you have far more important things to do, it's too bad because it's pretty clear no one's leaving. In other words, it's because you have a magic wall and I'm not a fucking wizard.
What is your job here at CFUD? What do you think that means?
Janitor. Any idiot could tell you what that means, but I'll elaborate. First, it means whoever's in charge has a sense of humor. Second, it means the person I'm replacing did a shitty job. Cleaning up after a bunch of dirty campers is not a job for some slacker. Who knows what these brats have been rolling in? That's a rhetorical question, for the record. Don't even tell me.
Do you think you are good in a crisis? Why?
I'm here, aren't I? Those who aren't good in a crisis don't last long. Though I'm not sure what constitutes a "crisis" here. Mess hall ran out of mashed potatoes? Not a crisis. Bad case of poison ivy? Also not a crisis. Someone accidentally shoots himself in the face? Now we have the beginnings of a crisis. But even then, it's your own goddamn fault for handing out guns to kids, isn't it? Deal with it.
Do you have a five year plan in mind?
Live. No way to know if that'll work out. Always assumed I'd go out fighting, but here it seems more likely that I'd die of dysentery or something. Ever wonder what it'd be like to shit yourself to death? I think I'd rather be eaten.
Do you consider yourself squeamish? Please provide an example.
Yes. An example? Consider this gentleman to my right. Not only is he...oozing something that I imagine could kill a man, this smell is downright unacceptable. The things that I have smelled... I guess what I'm saying is that it takes hard work and dedication to achieve a stench of this magnitude. Anyone who's exposed to this poor bastard and then claims to be undisturbed by his sheer existence is a fucking liar.
Poll #13343 Vote!
Open to: Access List, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 31
In or out?
no subject