Nico Robin (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
fleshpetaler) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
campfuckuvote2012-01-27 07:53 pm
fleshpetaler) wrote in campfuckuvote2012-01-27 07:53 pm
(no subject)
First batch in our new home! Have some sexy counselors~ Also, just a reminder that the HTML used on Dreamwidth is different from the HTML used on LJ. Here is a handy-dandy primer!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
- DANCE!
NowVOTE. LOOKS GOOD.
Character: Data
Series: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Character Age: An android but appears in his early 30’s
Job: Emotional Therapist
Canon: After man achieves warp speed in interstellar flight, the federation of planets is established as an attempt to regulate, protect and strengthen through peaceful means the plethora of planets and species across the alpha quadrant. Serving the federation as its military , scientific and diplomatic forces is Star Fleet, and its flagship the Enterprise, where the best and brightest seek to go where no man has gone before.
Lieutenant commander Data is a Starfleet officer and android- the only one of his kind.. Amazingly strong, capable of sixty trillion operations a second, Data's greatest aspiration though, is to be more like the humans that created him., Data's honesty and gentle nature as
well as his genius intellect gives him an interesting balance as he tries (but usually fails) to understand what he's lacking that keeps him from humanity. He is enthusiastic and tries to be helpful as much as he can, and he tends to give people the benefit of doubt. And much like a real life Pinocchio in a world of star ships, aliens and space exploration, Data's awkward innocence, lack of understanding of human and cultural subtleties, as well as his unerring ability to state the obvious leads to a bumpy road without a Jiminy Cricket for this molybdenum-cobalt boy.
Sample Post
So…Arr’gh was it? I have reviewed your case file and it seems most unique. When asked about your family history, you replied Marrrr’c and Brrrr’aaa. Seeing as my universal translator has not reported any malfunctions, I will assume these are family members? Your mother? I see. Psychoanalytical analytical research as postulated by the 20th century psychiatrists Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud considered it a common fixation point to focus on the maternal or paternal figure of the opposite sex of the patient. Seeing as you are…you appear to be…
Seeing as you appear to have marked male on the intake forms, we will focus on your mother. Perhaps you can tell me more about your relationship with your mother. What was your childhood like? Did you have any particularly memorable experiences as a child?
Oh good, a hands on demonstration. Although I cannot emotionally empathize with you, having my mother attempt to masticate on my head would indeed be a problem, if I had a mother. Although I am not edible in the purest sense of typical human digestive system, seeing as my outer layer is a composite of pseudo-flesh and bioplast, I am sure that if I were actually human, missing my ear would be a problem. Be as it may, I am not edible and would prefer that you return my ear.
Thank you.
It appears we are lacking what my friend Counselor Troi likes to call, “a connection”. Although I lack the emotional capabilities to follow this technique correctly, I have found a limited amount of success in my own attempt to reverse the process by attempting to generate an emotional awareness. Perhaps if I reenact a scene as your mother, you will be able to more accurately address your inner emotions. If you will please allow me?
Is this helping? No? Perhaps if I chew on your other ear?
…Oh. I did not expect that. I applaud your enthusiasm for therapy, Mr. Arr’gh but generally speaking, losing your head is not encourage in a counseling session. It could lead to numerous misunderstandings.
Character: The King of All Cosmos
Series: Katamari Damacy
Character Age: Mid-40s. Alternatively, as old as time itself. Who knows?
Job The King of All Campers
Canon: Once upon a time, the King of All Cosmos--a huge alien man with a spandex outfit and a flair for the dramatic--got drunk and destroyed all of the stars in the sky. Upon sobering up the next morning, the King recognized his mistake and asked (read: ordered) his young son, the Prince, to restore the stars and constellations to their rightful places. The King’s master plan? Well, Earth is covered with things--why not roll them up and shoot them into the sky as makeshift stars? That’ll work perfectly.
The King of All Cosmos is known for his flamboyant personality, forgetfulness, and love of rolling up objects. When the Prince fails to meet the King’s expectations, the King becomes very passive-aggressive or even directly rude and insulting. Overall, he is very grumpy and arrogant, and has very high standards for the stars he’s making his son create--who wants to take all the credit for a shoddy universe?
Sample Post:
Online roleplaying. As an intransitive verb, “to assume or act out a particular role.” It confuses Us. Why would We wish to pretend to be anyone else? No one is as Cosmo-y, nor nearly as full of King.
What is the “online,” We wonder? Is it really a series of tubes? To be honest, We are not really the Renaissance Man that We know is in style these days. Mostly, We only know about rolling the katamari. If We could role up many online things, We could make a very electric star, but it would also be full of questionable things and inappropriate things. We do not want that in Our sky. What if Our son sees? He is so small, he is probably very impressionable.
Oh! It seems that We have been brought here for a purpose. Even a King needs a day off sometimes, you know. We are not a working machine. We read about Camp, and decided to come. The stars will just have to assemble themselves. We need to max and We need to relax. We have come to rule over all of Camp... but we rule over all the Cosmos. This is a step down! Less power, but less responsibility. That is what We suppose We need in a vacation.
This Camp... what sort of place is it? We detect strong notes of unnatural things. Of course, there are also toxic things and fun things. My, Earth really is full of things. Unfortunately, Camp is not the sort of thing We would allow in an E-rated game, so let’s just keep Our short stay here between us, yes? ♥
Character name: Shaun Mason
Series: Feed
Age: 22
Job: Zombie Public Relations Coordinator
Canon: In 2014, the world as we know it ended. That summer was forever remembered as the Rising, the first factual and global instance of the dead walking around and trying to eat people--the result of the accidental mating of two independently beneficial viruses. Everyone on the planet was infected within a matter of months, and a good chunk of the population was lost. For those left alive, life went on. The CDC gained more power, people got their news from bloggers, and everyone started taking personal safety a lot more seriously.
Which brings us to Shaun; a blogger by trade, he studies under the school of Irwin. Simply put, he gets his jollies by poking zombies with sticks just to see what happens. He's an “act now, think later” kind of guy, but that doesn't mean he's not prepared. He knows exactly what kind of dangers there are in the field (he’s even licensed to handle most of them!), and he's not going to go into something he knows he won't have a chance of coming back out of. He’s fairly laid-back in other areas of his life, being the type that’s easy to hang out with. If you’re doing something stupid, he’ll be one of the first to call you on it. A genius by no means, he is a journalist and has a practical sort of intelligence with a side of complete smart-ass. He does have a bit of a temper, though it tends to only show when he’s either super frustrated or someone brought up one of his few no-no subjects. Then there’s his sister and blogging partner, George. If there’s one thing he loves aside from days old sludge coffee, it’s his sister and puts her before just about anything else.
Sample Entry:
Let me just start with: ha ha, very funny. Zombie-filled summer camp sounds like an awesome idea for a quick blog update, right? Headline it with “Arts and Crafts Project Gone Terribly Wrong” and you’re good to go. Up until the part where this was all some elaborate ruse to hook me up with a job I don’t actually want. Who actually thought letting the undead roam around a bunch of kids was a good idea? I’m being serious here, because they are in dire need of getting punched in the face. Repeatedly. We can even form a line right here and give a promotional special: first five to get the hell over here and start explaining don’t get kneecapped and left as an Edible Arrangement, if you catch my meaning.
How can this go wrong? Oh, let me count the ways. First off, the only “relations” to coordinate with zombies are how quickly you can put them down, or how fast they turn you into a living buffet. Well, that and tea parties. Seeing as I’m more of a coffee man myself, it’s not something I partake in regularly, but trust me. You haven’t truly lived until you’ve downed the Darjeeling with the not-so-dearly departed. Anyway, as for the public part, let me assure you what a completely shitty idea that is. You let a bunch of unlicensed idiots run around with no idea what they’re doing, somebody’s getting killed. I mean hell, there’s plenty of perfectly licensed idiots running around getting pretty dead, pretty fast. I don’t care how big a shotgun you give them, if they don’t know how to use it? Totally screwed. And with so many zombies milling around right now with people still occupying the area, it’s clear I’m dealing with a bunch of amateurs.
The gorillas are a nice touch, though. Couple of them go viral, things’ll get real interesting. Not even I’m stupid enough to want to tangle with those if I don’t have to. Wonder if I could train any of them to be a back up unit... Picture that, huh? A big, purple defense force. And hey, maybe even get a few of those toucans to set up a security network and we’d have ourselves a real backwoods deal going on. Yeah, that sounds completely idiotic. Even the best security systems in the world fail, relying on a bunch of trained birds, psychic though they may be, is like asking on bended knee for a horde to come kill you. Been there, done that, and it totally sucks. So let’s all take this moment to simply bask in the glorious could-be’s these majestic and slightly concerning apes present us with. All right, moment’s over!
Now, if someone would like to point me in the direction of my sister George, I can get this show on the road. And by show, I mean getting the hell out of here. Sorry, ladies and gents, I’ve got my loyal fans to be getting back to. While having a permanently captive audience for the foreseeable future sounds great and all, I can’t leave the adoring masses Shaun-free for too long. I feel for you and your little infestation, sure, but I’m not really in the kind of mood to actively pursue my eventual gore-filled demise right now. Besides, staying in one place gets boring. Can’t have that, can we? But hey, if I’m ever feeling particularly suicidal I’ll make sure to pencil this place back on the schedule. Oh, and seriously? Check up on that trained gorilla thing. If nothing else, they’ll look a hell of a lot more impressive than preteens with shotguns.
Character: Leonard L. Church
Series: Red vs. Blue
Character Age: Assumed to be over 22 years of age.
Job: Sharpshooting Instructor
Canon: Red vs. Blue is a primarily comedic webseries set in the Halo universe, mostly because it was 'filmed' and created using the Halo games as its machinima base. As indicated by the title, the series focuses on the plight of the Red and Blue team members in their difficult struggle to be the victorious group reigning over Blood Gulch. Sadly, most of their difficulty stems from everyone's astounding ineptitude involving all things war.
Church is the self-proclaimed leader of the Blue team. Despite being the worst shot possible with a sniper rifle, you could still say he's the brightest, most competent, and professional member the team has. This doesn't change the fact that Church proclaims his superiority with the weapon or just in general, which returns only an average heaping of backtalk from his teammates. This of course only serves to fuel Church's rather short temper, which is always accompanied by a variety of insults and curse words.
Sample Post:
Okay, is everyone here? Great. I'm Church, and I'm your new sharpshooting instructor. That means I'm in charge and get to tell you what to do for the next hour and a half every Thursday afternoon and you idiots will listen intently to every word I say in and out of class. Respect my authority and all that. Got it?
All right then, let's get started. The first thing you have to do is--no, not wake up, we're assuming you've already got out of bed and are prepared to learn. Anyway, you have to load your weapon--with ammunition. Bullets. You know, those little cylindrical things that fly out the end of your rifle and, in the best possible scenario, hit your target right between the eyes? Now quit interrupting me with your mindless bullshit questions, jackass! As I was saying, after you load your weapon, sight your target in the scope, and fire. Isn't that easy? And before you ask, no, I will not be giving demonstrations of how to properly fire and hit your target. Why? Because ... I am such an amazing shot, your minds would all melt and ooze out of your open mouths. It's that awesome. And besides, shooting a sniper rifle isn't rocket science. You'll be fine, assuming you're not as moronic as ... I dunno, a flock of toucans migrating to a swamp in Louisiana.
Oh, goddamnit! Seriously?! One of you assholes could've warned me or something! How was I supposed to know the wildlife here was all kinds of insanely wrong? I didn't get briefed on this shit, and now I'm covered in it! This is gonna take forever to clean off. I just cleaned my armor this morning, too. Feathery sons of bitches. All right, fuck what I said earlier. Here's your goddamn demonstration! I'm gonna snipe every one of those assholes out of the sky!
Goddamnit! Get back here and die, you little fuckers! That third shot was my last warning!
Character: Michael J. Caboose
Series: Red vs. Blue
Character Age: Over 22... probably.
Job: Tech Support
Canon: Red vs. Blue is a machinima series using the video game series Halo as its base, having a tangential relationship to the series itself but having a far different mood. Where Halo is a fairly serious action game, Red vs. Blue has humor at its core- showing two ineffectual teams fighting over a box canyon. As the series progresses, it gets more serious, and far more action oriented, but humorous characters remain the core.
Caboose seems to live in his own little world, hardly ever able to say much without truly revealing how little he understands about reality, and in general. In fact, calling him childlike would be accurate in many ways, as he is incredibly naive but also incredibly stubborn about things when he wants to be. His imagination tends to get the better of him, and he will often believe his own interpretation of events over the truth. Despite this, he’s a competent driver (stick only, he can’t drive automatic) and has managed to kill his own teammates so many times that Command has a shortcut key to file it as cause of death (Shift+F+U).
Sample Post:
Hi! I’m Private Caboose and I was transferred here to help! I mean- thank you for calling the heck support hotline my name is Caboose how may I help you? Oh, you need help connecting to the wi-fi-fo-fum. Okay! I will help you connect to all the highfives.
Ask them if they have pressed the power button. Have you pressed the power button?
Wait, I’m not supposed to say that part. Let me try that again, I can do better! Have you pressed the power button? Oh, you weren’t supposed to push the power button. Sorry! Please stop yelling at me-- yelling isn’t very nice. I said sorry, but maybe you can’t hear me over ALL YOUR YELLING.
Of course it’s not taking your password! That means it has good manners! I would not want my password taken from me either. It says here you should be getting a signal, so maybe the signal is that you are too angry, and that you should give it some space. Bar. Spacebar. The space bar- the bar that is in space! Maybe it would be more happy with you if you took it there and had a lot of fun together! You could play darts... or maybe get into a space bar fight! And hit other people with space beer bottles! And throw people out the the space bar windows!
I tried going to the space bar once but the man there said it wasn’t a bar, it was an armory, but I knew better than that. Everyone knows an armory is a tiny animal that rolls into a ball and has armor on it! That is why it is called an armory! But I knew it was a secret bar, for cool people, but they wouldn’t admit I was a cool person too! Then somehow, in some way, the man accidentally got shot in the face and I decided I did not want to be in their club anyway. I do not think that was anyone’s fault, and even if it was, I am sure they would promise to pay more attention to if they are holding guns in the future, and I do not blame them because it was definitely an accident. Hypothetically. Maybe. Definitely. I mean, the word that means it wasn’t my fault.
Hello? Are you still there? Hello? . . . . . . . . . Hello?
Hello? . . . Hello?
It’s almost like you hung up on me, but you didn’t say goodbye so that is probably not what happened. I guess you got your fivepies okay! I wish I could connect to the fivepies. I connected to a onepie once. My grandma made it for me. It was apple.
Hello?
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
- DANCE!
Now
Character: Data
Series: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Character Age: An android but appears in his early 30’s
Job: Emotional Therapist
Canon: After man achieves warp speed in interstellar flight, the federation of planets is established as an attempt to regulate, protect and strengthen through peaceful means the plethora of planets and species across the alpha quadrant. Serving the federation as its military , scientific and diplomatic forces is Star Fleet, and its flagship the Enterprise, where the best and brightest seek to go where no man has gone before.
Lieutenant commander Data is a Starfleet officer and android- the only one of his kind.. Amazingly strong, capable of sixty trillion operations a second, Data's greatest aspiration though, is to be more like the humans that created him., Data's honesty and gentle nature as
well as his genius intellect gives him an interesting balance as he tries (but usually fails) to understand what he's lacking that keeps him from humanity. He is enthusiastic and tries to be helpful as much as he can, and he tends to give people the benefit of doubt. And much like a real life Pinocchio in a world of star ships, aliens and space exploration, Data's awkward innocence, lack of understanding of human and cultural subtleties, as well as his unerring ability to state the obvious leads to a bumpy road without a Jiminy Cricket for this molybdenum-cobalt boy.
Sample Post
So…Arr’gh was it? I have reviewed your case file and it seems most unique. When asked about your family history, you replied Marrrr’c and Brrrr’aaa. Seeing as my universal translator has not reported any malfunctions, I will assume these are family members? Your mother? I see. Psychoanalytical analytical research as postulated by the 20th century psychiatrists Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud considered it a common fixation point to focus on the maternal or paternal figure of the opposite sex of the patient. Seeing as you are…you appear to be…
Seeing as you appear to have marked male on the intake forms, we will focus on your mother. Perhaps you can tell me more about your relationship with your mother. What was your childhood like? Did you have any particularly memorable experiences as a child?
Oh good, a hands on demonstration. Although I cannot emotionally empathize with you, having my mother attempt to masticate on my head would indeed be a problem, if I had a mother. Although I am not edible in the purest sense of typical human digestive system, seeing as my outer layer is a composite of pseudo-flesh and bioplast, I am sure that if I were actually human, missing my ear would be a problem. Be as it may, I am not edible and would prefer that you return my ear.
Thank you.
It appears we are lacking what my friend Counselor Troi likes to call, “a connection”. Although I lack the emotional capabilities to follow this technique correctly, I have found a limited amount of success in my own attempt to reverse the process by attempting to generate an emotional awareness. Perhaps if I reenact a scene as your mother, you will be able to more accurately address your inner emotions. If you will please allow me?
Is this helping? No? Perhaps if I chew on your other ear?
…Oh. I did not expect that. I applaud your enthusiasm for therapy, Mr. Arr’gh but generally speaking, losing your head is not encourage in a counseling session. It could lead to numerous misunderstandings.
Poll #9268 Vote!
This poll is closed.
Open to: Access List, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 46
Open to: Access List, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 46
In or out?
Character: The King of All Cosmos
Series: Katamari Damacy
Character Age: Mid-40s. Alternatively, as old as time itself. Who knows?
Job The King of All Campers
Canon: Once upon a time, the King of All Cosmos--a huge alien man with a spandex outfit and a flair for the dramatic--got drunk and destroyed all of the stars in the sky. Upon sobering up the next morning, the King recognized his mistake and asked (read: ordered) his young son, the Prince, to restore the stars and constellations to their rightful places. The King’s master plan? Well, Earth is covered with things--why not roll them up and shoot them into the sky as makeshift stars? That’ll work perfectly.
The King of All Cosmos is known for his flamboyant personality, forgetfulness, and love of rolling up objects. When the Prince fails to meet the King’s expectations, the King becomes very passive-aggressive or even directly rude and insulting. Overall, he is very grumpy and arrogant, and has very high standards for the stars he’s making his son create--who wants to take all the credit for a shoddy universe?
Sample Post:
Online roleplaying. As an intransitive verb, “to assume or act out a particular role.” It confuses Us. Why would We wish to pretend to be anyone else? No one is as Cosmo-y, nor nearly as full of King.
What is the “online,” We wonder? Is it really a series of tubes? To be honest, We are not really the Renaissance Man that We know is in style these days. Mostly, We only know about rolling the katamari. If We could role up many online things, We could make a very electric star, but it would also be full of questionable things and inappropriate things. We do not want that in Our sky. What if Our son sees? He is so small, he is probably very impressionable.
Oh! It seems that We have been brought here for a purpose. Even a King needs a day off sometimes, you know. We are not a working machine. We read about Camp, and decided to come. The stars will just have to assemble themselves. We need to max and We need to relax. We have come to rule over all of Camp... but we rule over all the Cosmos. This is a step down! Less power, but less responsibility. That is what We suppose We need in a vacation.
This Camp... what sort of place is it? We detect strong notes of unnatural things. Of course, there are also toxic things and fun things. My, Earth really is full of things. Unfortunately, Camp is not the sort of thing We would allow in an E-rated game, so let’s just keep Our short stay here between us, yes? ♥
Poll #9269 Vote!
This poll is closed.
Open to: Access List, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 46
Open to: Access List, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 46
In or out?
Character name: Shaun Mason
Series: Feed
Age: 22
Job: Zombie Public Relations Coordinator
Canon: In 2014, the world as we know it ended. That summer was forever remembered as the Rising, the first factual and global instance of the dead walking around and trying to eat people--the result of the accidental mating of two independently beneficial viruses. Everyone on the planet was infected within a matter of months, and a good chunk of the population was lost. For those left alive, life went on. The CDC gained more power, people got their news from bloggers, and everyone started taking personal safety a lot more seriously.
Which brings us to Shaun; a blogger by trade, he studies under the school of Irwin. Simply put, he gets his jollies by poking zombies with sticks just to see what happens. He's an “act now, think later” kind of guy, but that doesn't mean he's not prepared. He knows exactly what kind of dangers there are in the field (he’s even licensed to handle most of them!), and he's not going to go into something he knows he won't have a chance of coming back out of. He’s fairly laid-back in other areas of his life, being the type that’s easy to hang out with. If you’re doing something stupid, he’ll be one of the first to call you on it. A genius by no means, he is a journalist and has a practical sort of intelligence with a side of complete smart-ass. He does have a bit of a temper, though it tends to only show when he’s either super frustrated or someone brought up one of his few no-no subjects. Then there’s his sister and blogging partner, George. If there’s one thing he loves aside from days old sludge coffee, it’s his sister and puts her before just about anything else.
Sample Entry:
Let me just start with: ha ha, very funny. Zombie-filled summer camp sounds like an awesome idea for a quick blog update, right? Headline it with “Arts and Crafts Project Gone Terribly Wrong” and you’re good to go. Up until the part where this was all some elaborate ruse to hook me up with a job I don’t actually want. Who actually thought letting the undead roam around a bunch of kids was a good idea? I’m being serious here, because they are in dire need of getting punched in the face. Repeatedly. We can even form a line right here and give a promotional special: first five to get the hell over here and start explaining don’t get kneecapped and left as an Edible Arrangement, if you catch my meaning.
How can this go wrong? Oh, let me count the ways. First off, the only “relations” to coordinate with zombies are how quickly you can put them down, or how fast they turn you into a living buffet. Well, that and tea parties. Seeing as I’m more of a coffee man myself, it’s not something I partake in regularly, but trust me. You haven’t truly lived until you’ve downed the Darjeeling with the not-so-dearly departed. Anyway, as for the public part, let me assure you what a completely shitty idea that is. You let a bunch of unlicensed idiots run around with no idea what they’re doing, somebody’s getting killed. I mean hell, there’s plenty of perfectly licensed idiots running around getting pretty dead, pretty fast. I don’t care how big a shotgun you give them, if they don’t know how to use it? Totally screwed. And with so many zombies milling around right now with people still occupying the area, it’s clear I’m dealing with a bunch of amateurs.
The gorillas are a nice touch, though. Couple of them go viral, things’ll get real interesting. Not even I’m stupid enough to want to tangle with those if I don’t have to. Wonder if I could train any of them to be a back up unit... Picture that, huh? A big, purple defense force. And hey, maybe even get a few of those toucans to set up a security network and we’d have ourselves a real backwoods deal going on. Yeah, that sounds completely idiotic. Even the best security systems in the world fail, relying on a bunch of trained birds, psychic though they may be, is like asking on bended knee for a horde to come kill you. Been there, done that, and it totally sucks. So let’s all take this moment to simply bask in the glorious could-be’s these majestic and slightly concerning apes present us with. All right, moment’s over!
Now, if someone would like to point me in the direction of my sister George, I can get this show on the road. And by show, I mean getting the hell out of here. Sorry, ladies and gents, I’ve got my loyal fans to be getting back to. While having a permanently captive audience for the foreseeable future sounds great and all, I can’t leave the adoring masses Shaun-free for too long. I feel for you and your little infestation, sure, but I’m not really in the kind of mood to actively pursue my eventual gore-filled demise right now. Besides, staying in one place gets boring. Can’t have that, can we? But hey, if I’m ever feeling particularly suicidal I’ll make sure to pencil this place back on the schedule. Oh, and seriously? Check up on that trained gorilla thing. If nothing else, they’ll look a hell of a lot more impressive than preteens with shotguns.
Poll #9270 Vote!
This poll is closed.
Open to: Access List, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 45
Open to: Access List, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 45
In or out?
Character: Leonard L. Church
Series: Red vs. Blue
Character Age: Assumed to be over 22 years of age.
Job: Sharpshooting Instructor
Canon: Red vs. Blue is a primarily comedic webseries set in the Halo universe, mostly because it was 'filmed' and created using the Halo games as its machinima base. As indicated by the title, the series focuses on the plight of the Red and Blue team members in their difficult struggle to be the victorious group reigning over Blood Gulch. Sadly, most of their difficulty stems from everyone's astounding ineptitude involving all things war.
Church is the self-proclaimed leader of the Blue team. Despite being the worst shot possible with a sniper rifle, you could still say he's the brightest, most competent, and professional member the team has. This doesn't change the fact that Church proclaims his superiority with the weapon or just in general, which returns only an average heaping of backtalk from his teammates. This of course only serves to fuel Church's rather short temper, which is always accompanied by a variety of insults and curse words.
Sample Post:
Okay, is everyone here? Great. I'm Church, and I'm your new sharpshooting instructor. That means I'm in charge and get to tell you what to do for the next hour and a half every Thursday afternoon and you idiots will listen intently to every word I say in and out of class. Respect my authority and all that. Got it?
All right then, let's get started. The first thing you have to do is--no, not wake up, we're assuming you've already got out of bed and are prepared to learn. Anyway, you have to load your weapon--with ammunition. Bullets. You know, those little cylindrical things that fly out the end of your rifle and, in the best possible scenario, hit your target right between the eyes? Now quit interrupting me with your mindless bullshit questions, jackass! As I was saying, after you load your weapon, sight your target in the scope, and fire. Isn't that easy? And before you ask, no, I will not be giving demonstrations of how to properly fire and hit your target. Why? Because ... I am such an amazing shot, your minds would all melt and ooze out of your open mouths. It's that awesome. And besides, shooting a sniper rifle isn't rocket science. You'll be fine, assuming you're not as moronic as ... I dunno, a flock of toucans migrating to a swamp in Louisiana.
Oh, goddamnit! Seriously?! One of you assholes could've warned me or something! How was I supposed to know the wildlife here was all kinds of insanely wrong? I didn't get briefed on this shit, and now I'm covered in it! This is gonna take forever to clean off. I just cleaned my armor this morning, too. Feathery sons of bitches. All right, fuck what I said earlier. Here's your goddamn demonstration! I'm gonna snipe every one of those assholes out of the sky!
Goddamnit! Get back here and die, you little fuckers! That third shot was my last warning!
Poll #9271 Vote!
This poll is closed.
Open to: Access List, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 46
Open to: Access List, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 46
In or out?
Character: Michael J. Caboose
Series: Red vs. Blue
Character Age: Over 22... probably.
Job: Tech Support
Canon: Red vs. Blue is a machinima series using the video game series Halo as its base, having a tangential relationship to the series itself but having a far different mood. Where Halo is a fairly serious action game, Red vs. Blue has humor at its core- showing two ineffectual teams fighting over a box canyon. As the series progresses, it gets more serious, and far more action oriented, but humorous characters remain the core.
Caboose seems to live in his own little world, hardly ever able to say much without truly revealing how little he understands about reality, and in general. In fact, calling him childlike would be accurate in many ways, as he is incredibly naive but also incredibly stubborn about things when he wants to be. His imagination tends to get the better of him, and he will often believe his own interpretation of events over the truth. Despite this, he’s a competent driver (stick only, he can’t drive automatic) and has managed to kill his own teammates so many times that Command has a shortcut key to file it as cause of death (Shift+F+U).
Sample Post:
Hi! I’m Private Caboose and I was transferred here to help! I mean- thank you for calling the heck support hotline my name is Caboose how may I help you? Oh, you need help connecting to the wi-fi-fo-fum. Okay! I will help you connect to all the highfives.
Ask them if they have pressed the power button. Have you pressed the power button?
Wait, I’m not supposed to say that part. Let me try that again, I can do better! Have you pressed the power button? Oh, you weren’t supposed to push the power button. Sorry! Please stop yelling at me-- yelling isn’t very nice. I said sorry, but maybe you can’t hear me over ALL YOUR YELLING.
Of course it’s not taking your password! That means it has good manners! I would not want my password taken from me either. It says here you should be getting a signal, so maybe the signal is that you are too angry, and that you should give it some space. Bar. Spacebar. The space bar- the bar that is in space! Maybe it would be more happy with you if you took it there and had a lot of fun together! You could play darts... or maybe get into a space bar fight! And hit other people with space beer bottles! And throw people out the the space bar windows!
I tried going to the space bar once but the man there said it wasn’t a bar, it was an armory, but I knew better than that. Everyone knows an armory is a tiny animal that rolls into a ball and has armor on it! That is why it is called an armory! But I knew it was a secret bar, for cool people, but they wouldn’t admit I was a cool person too! Then somehow, in some way, the man accidentally got shot in the face and I decided I did not want to be in their club anyway. I do not think that was anyone’s fault, and even if it was, I am sure they would promise to pay more attention to if they are holding guns in the future, and I do not blame them because it was definitely an accident. Hypothetically. Maybe. Definitely. I mean, the word that means it wasn’t my fault.
Hello? Are you still there? Hello? . . . . . . . . . Hello?
Hello? . . . Hello?
It’s almost like you hung up on me, but you didn’t say goodbye so that is probably not what happened. I guess you got your fivepies okay! I wish I could connect to the fivepies. I connected to a onepie once. My grandma made it for me. It was apple.
Hello?
Poll #9272 Vote!
This poll is closed.
Open to: Access List, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 46
Open to: Access List, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 46
In or out?
no subject
... so what I am trying to say here is ALL IN